“Aaahh,” Marco yawned. He sat upright and walked right out of the spaceship into the middle of space. He floated just outside the Critzaler Nebula region, though not knowing it. Marco had previously been dreaming on Earth not Critzaler Nebula. Marco stared wide-eyed into the heart of the ship.
“Oh, John Man overboard,” Jim Limb Sim Yes-Him called.
“Oh, ok,” John moaned. Then he took out his fishing rod and swung it until it caught the collar of Marco’s shirt, reeling him in. Marco sat upright again for .1239 milliseconds then fainted due to the shock of being outside of Critzaler Nebula, not Cristaler street, 18940, the Nebula house, living with his 52-year-old mom as a self righteous 28-year-old man. Not the man soon to be carrying the fate of the world on his shoulders.
“Aaahh,” Marco yawned. He sat upright and, once again, absent mindedly walked right out of the spaceship into the the middle of space. He floated just outside the Laxative Potato region. Marco gulped and felt something slimy slide down his pant leg. “Must be the Laxatives,” he thought. Jim Limb Sim Yes-Him’s brother, Tim Rim Grim Na-Him reeled Marco in and when his first foot touched the ship, Marco ran to the bathroom to do some some very important business.
“Aaahh, Marco,” said John, “I have something to tell you.”
“I think I know what it is,” said Marco angrily, “I’m in space.”
“Marco, the Slartegnorgs are coming to enslave every civilization ever! We already have Little Timmy but he’s as stupid as dirt.”
“Oh and you need someone smart, gotcha,” said Marco.
“You know someone smart! Tell me who, who!” said John excitedly.
Marco stared blankly at John.
“Anyway,” said John. “Little Timmy is warning the planets, you have to fight alongside them.”
“So I have to save Earth,” said Marco.
“No,” said John, “Earth was destroyed, you have to save everything else.”
“What?!” said Marco, flabbergasted, “Earth was destroyed!”
“Yes,” said John quite happily, not seeing the problem.
Marco fainted.
“Aaahh,” Marco yawned. He sat upright and walked right out of the spaceship into the the middle of space. He floated right outside the Chimmy Chonga-Diarrhea region. Jim Limb Sim Yes-Him’s brother’s brother’s brother’s brother’s brother’s sister, Amber, reeled Marco in.
“Chimmy Chonga?” she offered Marco.
“I’m fine, thanks,” said Marco, as he trotted to somewhere to cry. He lost everything, he had-nothing! No job, No nice family, friends, girlfriends. Nothing-absolutely nothing, and he lost that too. He thought, very deeply depressed. There was a rumble deep in the ship, Marco shivered, “Not yet,” he quivered, “I’m not ready.” He knew what happened, the Slartegnorgs had boarded!
John found Marco, and said, “I’ll be back,” in a deep voice, as he ran into the heart of the battle.
A Slartegnorg came eye to eye with Marco, and charged, Marco sobbed, the Slartegnorg screamed a battle cry, Marco caught hold of something, that did…nothing, for it was a small life jacket of no use! Fortunately, for the Slartegnorgs that is, they had caught Marco. Up close the Slartegnorgs were like hideous green slimy spiders, and unfortunately for Marco he had arachnophobia, and surprise or no surprise they spun a disgusting white silk around Marco. Marco was anxious to get free, but this isn’t a fairy tail, so he had no such luck. Marco had been caught by a weaponless arachnid.
“Resistance is futile you will be destroyed in 34 laxative morlunar units, helpless humanoid,” the Slartegnorg boomed. Marco sobbed louder.
“You can’t do this to me, cancel the destruction!” Marco cried.
“To cancel obliteration, repeat the code,” said the Slartegnorg.
“Ok!” said Marco, happily.
“The code is,” boomed the Slartegnorg, “10101010101010100101000101010100101010111101010101010100101010010110110010100101010100101001010010111101010101010101010101100101010010101001010100101001010100101010010101001010101001010010100010101010100101110010101001001010101010011010010101010010101010101010.”
“Uh, ok,” Marco murmured. “10-uh-10101010-uh-uh-1000011101011-uh-1101010101010101010101001010-um-uh-1-uh-10-1-010010101010100101001010101-uh-0?” Marco stumbled.
“Code denied,” spoke the Slartegnorg. Something like a needle was forced into Marco’s back, then Marco went pale, everything went dark and he fainted.
“Aaahh,” Marco yawned. He sat upright and walked right into a wall. “Ow!” Marco yelped in pain. All his muscles were in agony, or at least the muscles he had, as he looked down to find he had lost his index finger. “You took my finger!” Marco cried in shock, as a Slartegnorg entered.
“It was necessary,” replied the Slartegnorg.
“It was not!” yelled Marco, “it was my finger,” he said dramatically.
“Yes, it was your finger,” replied the Slartegnorg.
“It was a very important finger!” Marco ranted.
“More or less,” replied the Slartegnorg.
“‘More or less’, what is that supposed to mean?” Marco yelled.
“It is and isn’t important.”
“It is Important! It is, it is, it is, it is, it is!” Marco screamed as he stomped around wherever he was.
“Sit in the chair humanoid,” the Slartegnorg bellowed.
“Ok!” Marco yelled in his rage. The Slartegnorg left and two red boxes took his place. Suddenly, they sprouted legs, and one arm and a gun (and a head of course).
“Prepare for obliteration,” they said.
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” Marco said nervously, as he broke free of his nerves (and the chair).
He then ran around the room until one of the robots took a shot at him and instead hit a hollow part of the wall. Marco ran through the hole to a large room full of similar robots and Slartegnorgs. Marco saw a few Slartegnorgs talking to a little boy, so Marco crawled past them and into one of the ships that he found. He figured out how to lift off and went through a convenient hole in the wall, he then flew until he reached a blue planet, with astonishing towers. He then blew the blue planet up. Then a fleet of space-ships smaller than his appeared.
“You destroyed a level six planet, you will be imprisoned in the Zoldolisk space quadrant, Humanoid,” they spoke.
But Marco did not care, so he destroyed them, then a larger fleet of larger ships appeared, and then Marco did care, so he fled. And Marco was chased back to the home of the Slartegnorgs, which he now saw was green, like them. He entered back through the hole in the wall, crashing into several ships and landing on his back, unconscious.
“Aahh,” Marco yawned. He sat upright, look at both hands, attempted walking, but fell, he looked down at his feet to find a toe missing.
“My toe! Seriously!” he screamed at a Slartegnorg entering the new room which had a cell that Marco was in, and to the right of him he saw some Slartegnorgs talking to the same small boy.
“You didn’t like us cutting your finger off, so we took a toe.”
“Why?!” Marco asked.
“D.N.A.” he replied.
“Hunky Dory,” Marco said.
“We have arranged to send both of you Humanoids to be obliterated,” the Slartegnorg stated.
“‘Both’ of us Humanoids?” Marco asked.
“Yes, you and the small child,” the Slartegnorg replied.
Marco looked again at the little boy. He was looking out the window, so Marco did the same and he saw a group of ships shooting more ships. Oh-no, Marco thought. It seemed like one shot was all it took for one ship to go keb-lewy. The ship shook, something had hit it! Marco was shot out of the ship like a cannonball as it exploded, sending him and the boy in opposite directions in space…without spacesuits. Marco heard a noise, too faint to hear in space, but to his surprise an almost clear blue shield surrounded the two cells. Marco sighed in relief. It was silent for an hour or two, just Marco sitting and waiting, thinking he was going to die. Strangely, his shield popped as he was propelled into the cockpit of a fairly large deserted ship.
“Woo-hoo!” Marco yelled in relief.
“Marco?” he heard a voice call.
A man appeared.
“He was maybe six,” and had black hair.
“Jim Limb Sim Yes-Him!” Marco cried. “Break me out of this cell?”
Jim Limb Sim did, “Where is everyone else?” Marco asked.
“They died in the battle.” Jim Limb Sim said. “But why are you here, shouldn’t you be saving the Universe?” he asked.
“Ummm. It’s not going well, but anyway the closest planet is Gorlonflod, let’s go warn them!” Marco said heroically. Jim Limb Sim and him flew to Gorlonflod, but looking at the small red planet they saw the Gorlonflod fleet chasing a blue ship, so Marco decided to flee with it and instead landed on a yellow and dull planet. It had one sign and one building, the sign read:
Welcome To Pythod Hotel, We find a Planet, enslave it, then make it a Hotel!
Marco got a Intergalactic Berry Laser Cannon Smoothie, then got back in his ship and quickly blew up Pythod, and a hotel bathroom flew by the ship with someone taking a shower inside. Orange pieces of the large planet were scattered among space.
“The point was to save them,” Jim Limb Sim said.
“Oh,” replied Marco, “I like blowing them up better.”
“Ugh,” Jim Limb Sim sighed.
They saw a fleet of large green Slaregnorg ships, one bigger than the rest.
“That Must be the Mother-Ship,” Jim Limb Sim whispered, “are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Why do they like green so much?” Marco whispered in reply.
“Surrender Humanoids, I, Jachsloch, ruler of the Slartegnorg civilization command you,” The Mother-Ship said.
Then it started shooting at them, of course, this being a sci-fi story, the main characters barely escape death, so somehow all the shots missed. Then Marco miraculously shot down all the small ships. Marco started shooting the Mother-ship, but it retaliated with stronger fire power, but then suddenly blew up before their eyes
“Yeah!” Marco cried “We did it!” he shouted. He thought that until a blue ship flew through the destruction. “Oh.” For Marco realized he and Jim Limb Sim hadn’t destroyed the Slartegnorg Mother-Ship, rather it was that little boy that had.
“Well at least I accomplished something,” Marco said proudly.
“You accomplished nothing, you actually hurt, more than helped,” Jim Limb Sim said in reply.
“What do I do now?” Marco asked.
“You could be a space hobo,” Jim Limb Sim said in reply.
“I think I’ll just live here,” Marco said as he went to sleep, trying to forget about the exhausting days he’s been having.
The End