The Evil Land

by Brianna Finnegan, age 11
The Evil Land Brianna Finnegan is 8 years old. She likes to read a lot and enjoys writing, too. She has a sister who is 5 years old. She also likes to be outside a lot.

“Elizabeth was now completely human, even her fingers. There was nothing that could stop her now from getting to her family.”

Introduction

Once upon a time, a very long time ago there was a girl named Elizabeth who lived in the Evil Land where there were monsters, wizards, dragons and invisible traps and dungeons everywhere. Elizabeth lived in a house with her older sister, Raven, separated from her parents, other siblings and cousins because of evil creatures. The evil creatures had pushed the family apart, and Elizabeth and Raven had to build themselves a house. Outside their house there was a dragon who always stood there making sure they didn’t go out of the house. But Elizabeth couldn’t help thinking about how it would be if her family was together again, and if she got to see her parents, cousins and other siblings again.  She also wished to meet her Grandma and Grandpa again.  But Raven didn’t think it was safe for them to go outside.

The Day Elizabeth Started her Journey

One day in the house Elizabeth decided she wanted to go outside and find her family. So Elizabeth snuck out of the house in the morning while Raven was sleeping. As soon as she was outside, she realized that Raven was right to not let her go. But Elizabeth was desperate to find her family. At this point, nothing could change her mind. Elizabeth realized she needed a weapon, so she ran back inside, and quietly not to awake Raven, she grabbed scissors. Then she went back outside. That minute the dragon turned around and looked straight at her. He grabbed her, and fire came out of his mouth, Elizabeth was speechless. Not only because of the dragon, but also when she looked around she noticed there were wizards, monsters and other creepy evil things. Then the dragon put her down and she was happy until she noticed she was in one of the dark dungeons. Suddenly all of the walls of the dungeon appeared and so did the door and the floor. Elizabeth was scared, but still nothing would stop Elizabeth from trying to see her family. Quickly Elizabeth felt the walls all around for any secret doors because she didn’t know what else to do.

When she touched the walls, she came to a bump. She noticed she had a flashlight in her pocket. She took the flashlight and shined it on the bump. The dark dungeon felt so much lighter, even with just the splash of light from the flashlight. Elizabeth took her scissors and cut through the wallpaper around the bump. When she cut through the bump, there was an electric number pad, and which required a code to exit the dungeon. Elizabeth tried and tried all night long to enter the code, and finally the next morning she typed in the right code.  She typed 35810 and the door opened.  This code reminded Elizabeth of her old life. She barely remembered her old life anymore, but this code was the last thing she had entered on a video game before her land totally changed. At least, she thought that was the last thing, she couldn’t remember.

Then Elizabeth came back to reality and remembered the open exit door. She ran out of it.

Defeating

Elizabeth continued her journey. She didn’t take more than five steps before getting caught in one of the rope traps. The trap was really small and Elizabeth was squashed. Elizabeth didn’t know what to do. She thought, and finally after 15 minutes of thinking, she remembered the scissors. Elizabeth slowly moved her hand to her pocket, not to get her fingers caught in the trap. But that didn’t work, they got caught. She spent another ten minutes untangling her fingers and then finally she got her fingers down to her pocket and slowly grabbed the scissors. Then she cut the rope trap all around and landed with a thump! on the ground. She got up and an evil wizard looked at her.

The wizard zapped his wand at her, and the next thing Elizabeth knew she was a frog because she looked down and saw her webbed green frog hands. It might have been easier to get through everything if she was a frog, but how would her family know it was her. She couldn’t even talk. Every time she tried to talk it came out in a croak-like noise. Elizabeth wondered if there were any good wizards on this land. The way they dressed looked oddly like a videogame she thought she had played before.  They wore a tall pointed hat, and a purple cloak. Elizabeth thought about how she could turn back into a person, but she didn’t know how. There was nothing Elizabeth could do, but she decided to jump on the wizard’s shoulder to get a faster ride to see her parents.

Her little frog legs wouldn’t get to her family anytime soon.

When she landed on the wizard’s shoulder she felt metal under her feet. She wanted to see what it was, so she used her scissors that shrunk when the wizard struck her to cut his clothing. She noticed the same electric pad that was in the dungeon. She entered the same code as before: 35810. The wizard immediately fell to the ground. That’s weird, Elizabeth thought. Elizabeth looked at her body and noticed it was a little bigger and a little less green. Elizabeth thought about how this all happened. Elizabeth thought about what would happen if she entered the code on all of the wizards. Would they all fall down? She tried it on another wizard, and surely enough, he fell to the ground. And she got less green and bigger.  By the end of the day Elizabeth had killed 56 wizards, four dragons, and ten monsters!!! Elizabeth took a little break— she was tired after defeating some of the wizards, dragons and monsters.

After an hour, Elizabeth was ready to start on her journey again. She defeated the rest of the wizards, except for the head wizard. She knew he was head wizard because she had heard stories about him. But there were also monsters and dragons that she needed to shut down with the code.  Elizabeth shut down the rest of the dragons and monsters and was tired again. Elizabeth looked mostly human except for the sticky frog fingers, but her skin was human. Elizabeth continued on her journey to defeat the last wizard and find her family.

The Evil Wizard

The next morning Elizabeth started her journey to defeat the last wizard, but she didn’t know where he was. So Elizabeth chose to go left from the center of town. Elizabeth kept going and going left. After two hours, Elizabeth had made her way to the forest. But there was a problem, there were jaguars and lions everywhere.  And there were lizards on the ground. One of the lizards ran over her feet, and she was only at the edge of the forest.  Elizabeth knew she had to find the electric number pad to shut down the animals before it was safe for her to find her family. She knew this because so far she had shut down almost all the creatures with the code. First Elizabeth shut down the lions, then the jaguars, and then the lizards. One by one, they all fell to the ground.

Elizabeth continued through the forest. A little deeper in the woods, she saw that the forest was blocked by big trees. It looked like a creepy cave.  But the trees were so close together that Elizabeth couldn’t push through them. Elizabeth didn’t know what to do.

Then, Elizabeth tried to climb up one of the trees, and she got to the very top of the tree. Elizabeth carefully stepped from tree to tree, and when she got out of the big trees, she saw the last evil wizard standing there. Elizabeth knew she would have to creep up on the wizard, so he wouldn’t cast a spell that would make her a frog again. But Elizabeth didn’t know how she would find the electric pad on the wizard without the wizard knowing she was there. Luckily, she could see the wizard’s number pad. Elizabeth tip toed to the wizard and quickly typed the code. The wizard half turned around before he fell to the ground. Elizabeth knew he was about to cast the spell on her. Fortunately, he didn’t because he fell before he could do it.

Elizabeth was now completely human, even her fingers. There was nothing that could stop her now from getting to her family.

The Third Day of the Journey

Elizabeth kept going until the whole night had passed and it was morning. By then Elizabeth had come to a river of lava. How am I going to cross the river? Elizabeth thought.   Elizabeth sat down and thought about how she was going to cross the Lava River. Then Elizabeth remembered the forest. She knew how to build things out of wood because she built her house with Raven. She went back to the forest and noticed the wizard’s sword was sticking out of his pocket.  She took the sword and cut down a few trees with it, using the sword like a saw. She cut them into long strips of wood. She then used the strips to make a boat and used the long grass to tie the pieces together. Then she used the last strip of wood to make a paddle. She made her way across the Lava River.  When she was three feet away from the end of the river, some lava leaked in. Fortunately, Elizabeth paddled quickly so she got out of the boat safely.

Elizabeth then continued on her journey to get to her family. She couldn’t wait to be with her parents, grandparents, other siblings and cousins again.

Elizabeth continued on her journey, and when she went a little farther she saw her cousin, Addy, walking up the trail. It looked like Addy was looking for her.

“Addy!!!” she called. Addy turned around, and they ran for each other. Addy went down the trail, and they continued together.

“Addy, do you know where my mother is?”

“No,” said Addy.

“Haven’t you been living with her since I was separated from you guys?”

“No, I’ve been living with my own mother,” said Addy.

“Addy, can you help me find my mother? I haven’t been with her for so long!” said Elizabeth.  

“Okay,” said Addy.  So they continued down the trail until they got caught in a giant dungeon.  

“Ahhhhh!!” Addy screamed. Elizabeth quickly found the electric pad and typed in the code, she wasn’t scared. The dungeon disappeared and they got out of it.

“How did you do that?” Addy asked.

“Magic,” said Elizabeth.

“Can you teach me?” Addy asked.

“It’s the same code I typed into the video game I used to play. It’s the only thing I remember from the last world.”

“What do you mean the last world?”

“I don’t know,” said Elizabeth.

“I hate when people say they don’t know,” said Addy.

“I don’t know how to explain it.  All I know is that this world is like the video game I used to play.”

“What’s a video game?” Addy asked.

“How come you don’t remember? How come you don’t remember the game I used to play? There are dragons, wizards, and they were all evil. And there was a magic code to defeat the video game world,” Elizabeth said.

“That’s it! That’s the way to get back home. You just have to type the evil code thing you were talking about,” Addy said.

“Okay, but where do I type it?” said Elizabeth.  

“I don’t know yet. We’ll find out.” Addy said. So they kept going on the trail to find Elizabeth’s mother and Addy’s aunt.

The Day Elizabeth Found Her Aunt

As they continued walking down the trail they saw another house.

“That’s my Mom’s house. Do you want to say hi to your aunt?” asked Addy.

“Of course!” Elizabeth responded. Elizabeth really wanted to find her mother, but she wanted to see her aunt also. When Elizabeth entered the house, she saw that they had worked really hard to make it. It was a lot prettier than the house she made with Raven, which was shabby. There were a lot of rooms, and you could tell what the furniture was made to be. It was amazing that they had built it.

“Mama!! Guess who’s here?” Addy called. Elizabeth’s aunt came running down the stairs with Elizabeth’s uncle behind her.

“Elizabeth!! It’s been so long! We’re so happy you’re okay!” Her aunt and uncle came and gave Elizabeth a big hug.

“Where’s Raven?” Elizabeth’s aunt asked.

“At home,” said Elizabeth.

“So you’re outside in the Evil Land without Raven? Why?”

“Because I wanted to find my family, but Raven didn’t want to go outside.” Elizabeth said.

“I’m happy you’re here, but you should have taken Raven, too.  Maybe you should stay with us?” Elizabeth’s aunt asked.

“Okay, I’ll stay here but I have one question for you. Do you know where my parents are?” Elizabeth asked.

“No, but all of your cousins, grandparents are living here in this house. And they would also like to see you!!” Her aunt said.  After she hugged all her cousins and grandparents, it had been about half an hour. It was time for her to go to bed.

After she slept, she continued on her journey the next morning. She said goodbye to her aunt, uncle, cousins and grandparents.

Finding her Parents

Addy also wanted to come with Elizabeth to find Elizabeth’s parents.  So Elizabeth and Addy continued going down the trail.  They kept going until they saw a house. In front of the house there was a girl. Elizabeth had felt that she had seen that face before. It was her sister. Elizabeth ran to her sister, she was really really happy.  She thought her parents would be inside, too. But when she asked her sister, her sister didn’t know where they were. But her sister said that inside of the house were the rest of Elizabeth’s sisters except for Raven. Elizabeth now had seen her aunt, uncle, grandparents, all her cousins and all her sisters. She still wanted to find her parents, and for her family to live together again. So she asked her sisters if they wanted to come find their parents, and they said yes.

So Elizabeth, Addy, and Elizabeth’s sisters continued down the trail until they saw a gigantic rat with red eyes blocking the only trail. Elizabeth knew how to defeat the rat with the code, but the rat was so big that she didn’t know how she was going to find such a small electric pad on the big rat. Elizabeth looked at the rat, she thought it was about 60 feet tall.

Elizabeth, Addy and her sisters were scared. Fortunately, she saw the little electric pad on the tail. Elizabeth quickly typed the code on the electric pad and the rat shut down. Elizabeth, Elizabeth’s sisters, and Addy continued on the trail to find Elizabeth’s parents.

As they continued down the trail, they saw that it got better as they traveled farther.  They traveled until they came to a house, and Elizabeth knocked on the door. When Elizabeth’s mom opened the door, Elizabeth hugged her mom and said it was the best day ever. Elizabeth was so, so happy that her sisters, and mom were together again except for Raven.  She had gone so far and so long to find her parents, and finally she found them. She had missed them a lot.

“Is Daddy here?” Elizabeth asked.

“Yes,” said her mom. Her mom called her dad down.

“Is Raven here?” her mom asked.

“No, she’s back at our house.” said Elizabeth.

“Elizabeth, you know how dangerous it is to travel alone, right?”

“Yeah, but Raven thought it was too scary to go.”

“Well I’m happy you made it safe, but you should have come with Raven.”

“Mom, we’re here, too!” Elizabeth’s sisters said.

“Oh, I didn’t see you guys!” She hugged each of them, smiling because she could see her kids again. She hadn’t seen them in a really long time.  She also hugged Addy. Then their Dad appeared behind Mom, and Elizabeth, her sisters and Addy rushed to him. And he hugged them all, too.

“C’mon, your own parents and siblings are down the trail. Let’s bring the whole family together. But, Raven is going to be hard to retrieve. So let’s start now if we want to get the family together,” Elizabeth said.

Joining the Family Together

As they went up the trail, they passed by Elizabeth’s sister’s house and stayed there for the night. The next morning they continued their journey to find Raven and Elizabeth’s aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins. They continued up the trail, until they saw the rat.

“AHHH, let’s turn back!!” Elizabeth’s parents screamed.

“Don’t worry it’s shut down.” Elizabeth said.

“Uhhh, what do you mean shut down?” They asked.

“It’s  a long story. It’s under a code, and I think we’re in a video game.”

“Ahhh what? I thought this was the real world!! Not a―”

“Okay, let’s talk about this later. For now let’s just find the rest of the family,” Elizabeth said.

They continued on the trail until they ran into Elizabeth’s aunt’s, uncle’s, cousin’s, and grandparent’s house.

“You and Dad should stay here with your parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews and we we’ll go get Raven. Okay? Yeah, great this plan works. Bye!” Elizabeth said. Elizabeth ran off with Addy and her sisters.

“Guys! Wait! We want to come, too,” Elizabeth’s Mom and Dad called.

“Thanks for letting us go. This plan will work. We’ll be back with Raven soon.” Elizabeth said. She didn’t want her parent’s to be in danger, and she knew they would be safe at the house.

They ran and ran until they came to the Lava River.

“How are we going to get through this??” Addy and the sisters asked.

Elizabeth saw her boat, and the paddle next to it.  Next to the paddle was the wizard’s sword. She picked up the paddle and cut of a piece of the paddle to patch the hole in the boat from where lava had leaked in.  She used the long grass to tie it on. Then, she put the boat in the water and got in it.

“I’ll paddle across, and then use the magic sword to throw the boat back to you. Only one of us can go at a time.” Elizabeth said.

Elizabeth paddled down the river, and then Addy went, and then her sisters went. Elizabeth warned them they would have to climb trees, and step from tree to tree to pass through the forest.

But Addy and her sisters said they still wanted to help find Raven. As they entered the forest, they saw the trees Elizabeth was talking about. First Elizabeth went, and showed them how to climb up the trees, then Addy went and then her sisters went. They together stepped from tree to tree until they got to the end of the forest.  They all climbed down the trees.

When they got down they saw shut down lions, lizards and jaguars lying on the ground. They knew they were shut down because they weren’t moving. When there were no more jaguars, lizards and lions anymore, they saw wizards, monsters and dragons lying on the ground. They could see a really big shutdown dragon in the distance. Elizabeth knew that was the dragon that guarded her house.  Elizabeth ran to the house and signaled for Addy and her sisters to come. When Addy and her sisters came, Elizabeth knocked on the door.  Elizabeth was happy to be with Raven again and tell her the awesome news that they had found their family. When everyone hugged Raven, they went down the trail through the forest and the big trees until they came to the Lava River. They told Raven about the plan to cross the Lava River. Raven looked unsure, but said she would do it. She was nervous to be outside again. Raven hadn’t been outside since they built their house, but she was proud of Elizabeth that she shut the evil things down. They crossed the river and ran to the house which everyone was in.  Everyone hugged Raven, and were so happy to see her.

“We’re going on the trail to see if we have shut down all the creatures.” Elizabeth said.

“Fine, but if you’re going, we’re going. I don’t want you to get lost, and for our family to not be together,” Addy said.

Out of the Evil Land

They went down the trail and they passed Elizabeth’s sister’s house, the shutdown rat, and her parent’s house. They walked until they came to a wall, which seemed like the edge of the Evil Land. Elizabeth saw an electric pad and typed in the code, 35810.

As soon as Elizabeth typed the code she found herself sitting on her desk with the videogame and the typed code right in front of her.

“It’s time for dinner!” her Mom called.  

Elizabeth shut down her computer and thought to herself, I’m never going to play this video game again. She went to have dinner.  Elizabeth hardly remembered, but she knew she had transported herself and all of her family into her videogame.  She didn’t want to think about it, but she was happy that she was home.

 

 

5 Comments

  • Martina says:

    Dear Brie
    I love your piece. Keep writing!
    I am so proud of you!
    Love
    Mom

  • Yelena says:

    This is a great story for 8 year old. It is very long and interesting.

  • Marka says:

    Dear Brianka,

    I admire your imagination. Excellent, intriguing story, the combination of modern IT tech. with creatures from the past is just great! I love it! WAU! Looking forward to read the next one. New J. Rowling in our family?

  • Bill says:

    Brie:
    Wow!!!!! Your story is both interesting and imaginative. I cannot believe that you wrote this whole story. It is amazing. You have an incredible talent, keep practicing and you will be rewarded.

    I am looking forward to the next story.

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