Do you want to hear a story about a girl (me) with an extremely pathetic life? If yes, you have come to the right place. So sit back and relax, and make sure to strap on your seatbelts because here we go.”
Do you want to hear a story about a girl (me) with an extremely pathetic life? If yes, you have come to the right place. So sit back and relax, and make sure to strap on your seatbelts because here we go.
Hi, I am Sophie, and let me tell you some things about me:
So anyway, I was sitting on my bed Friday night petting Sweetie Pie and listening to the song “22” on my newest edition record player, until I heard my grandpa call, “Dinner time kids!” and we all came down to dinner. Here are my siblings, all in order, and how they act: My big brother, Andrew is so lucky. He is nineteen and hasn’t moved out yet. He will go to college late because no one accepted him. He is lucky because:
My big sister Talia, is, like, so annoying! She can really bug me. And worse, she doesn’t REALLY care. If she did care, she would blame it on Andrew when she does something wrong like drop me on the stairs when I was a baby. Andrew and Talia. The thought of them in the same sentence makes me say, “Uh-uh.” Anyway, all she cares about is her BFF Georgia, boys, and makeup. She is eighteen and will attend college soon. She is going in the middle of the year. Grandma wants to carry on the tradition because our dad moved in the middle of the year and so he attended college late, so we are doing that to Talia.
My brother, David, is, like, just there to be there. In my own words, I just call him selfish. All he does is eat, sleep, talk (not much), feel things, and talk on the phone. He is not a normal person at all. He is seventeen and is wierd.
Then comes me, the awesome sibling, who saves the day and turns the saddest day into a happy one. Who makes Grandma smile and Grandpa laugh. And yet, they don’t do it to anyone but me. Except when Grandpa mumbles, “Dangit, Helen, do I have to be nice to this brat?” and I don’t know why. I’m fifteen. The age of all ages. Taylor Swift even wrote a song on it.
“Sophie! Dinnertime now,” Grandpa yelled. I grunted. He was not – N-O-T – in a good mood.
“Why Edward, was all good in business at the corner store today?” asked Grandma.
“Eh! Barely made fifteen dollars,” whispered Grandpa. I ran down the stairs. Not that I was interested in their conversation, but I was hungry, very hungry.
“Hi, Sophie,” smiled Grandma. See? I make it work.
“Hi, little mouse,” frowned Grandpa.
“Hey, Soph. Soph, what’s up, girlfriend?” shouted Talia.
“Umm, hi?” I said.
“Smooch!” Whoops! Not a scene I want to look at. Andrew and his girlfriend, Valerie, were kissing. I wasn’t in the mood for some love and cracka-lackin in my meal so I acted with attitude and groove. As Talia says.
“Kissy kissy! Is that my hello?” I asked with attitude.
“Oh. One second Val, I need to greet my sis. Hi Sophie. Kiss kiss,” he said. Sometimes, I just HATE that guy. Smoochin away.
“Pork is dinner,” announced Grandma.
“Thanks for the quote-unquote ‘announcement’ but I got a diner date,” Talia said sarcastically.
“Alright if no one will ask me ‘who?’ then I’ll say it. Since no one bothers to ask what happened in summer school you missed the excitement that I am president of student council. I am interviewing someone. I am pretty upset that even Sophie, the obnoxious one, didn’t ask me what I am wearing,” whined Talia.
“That’s wonderful, Talia,” smiled Grandma.
“Except the part where you accused Sophie and Andrew of being obnoxious. What did they do wrong? So grow up,” frowned Grandpa. See? He’s got my back. In a good way. I ate my dinner.
“Okay, guys, I’m leaving. Love you, Grandma. Grandpa, I’ve got to say, for your second granddaughter. Give a woman her respect.” And with that she turned around. Grandpa raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah, I’ll give you respect. I’ll hold the door open so any time you want, you can exit the family,” snickered Grandpa. Did I mention that it’s tradition that when Grandpa raises his eyebrows it means he is mad? Oops! “Helen, do me a favor. Prepare some mulligan stew so I can crush my anger away?” asked Grandpa.
“Coming right up,” smiled Grandma.
Whoops! Not the scene I want to see. This means we will have a family talk.
“Valerie,” I bugged.
“Hi, Sophie. What’s up?” answered Valerie.
“Hey, Sophie. Could you do me a favor? Just stop bugging my girlfriend?” chuckled Andrew.
“Oh, I like it,” smiled Valerie.
“I like it,” changed Andrew. Well, that was odd. We went upstairs. Oops! I forgot to tell you my secret. Before Valerie and Andrew were boyfriend and girlfriend, me, my bff Gina, and Valerie were all BFFs. Just to not upset Andrew, hahaha! We haven’t told him.
“Whenever Grandpa asks for mulligan stew he wants to discuss something. I have a secret device where I can hear what he is saying without getting an angry face at me,” I explained.
“Cool. But Andrew?” she asked.
“We’ll let him suffer,” I answered.
I took my special two-person earphones, plugged them in to the phone, and we listened to his conversation.
“Guys, please put Talia on the phone,” we heard on the secret device and guessed that was Grandpa talking.
“Hey guys. You know, it’s my job as interviewer to…” we knew that was Talia.
“Take her off,” Grandpa commanded.
“That’s the face I don’t like to see,” I nodded.
“So we have some exciting news for the family,” Grandma announced. We couldn’t believe Andrew and David (not really David) weren’t talking. They were probably speechless. Since when is family talk exciting?
“Your grandmother got a job in California as a waitress!” we thought that was Grandpa again.
“California.” We guessed it was Andrew’s voice. “No, Grandma, don’t leave us in Westport,” he whined.
“Guess what? You are moving with us!” Grandma said.
I unplugged my earphones immediately.
“Gina!” Valerie and I both shouted. She lived in California! If we were moving there, we could all see each other!
“Pinch me,” I cried with joy. She pinched me. Wow, that wasn’t a hard pinch.
“Let’s email her,” I suggested.
I grabbed my laptop.
To: Gina Forgeive
From: Sophie & Valerie
Please reply immediately because this isn’t just a hello from Westport. You will NOT believe this but my grandma just announced she got a new job in California and we are moving. We love you and we can tell you the detes (Town, address eg).
Valerie and Sophie
“Good?” I asked.
“Perfect,” she replied. Now there was only one more thing to do: call Talia and tell her the great news. I hope I mentioned I HATE my sister. But I thought it was the right thing to do.
“What are you doing?” asked Valerie.
“Telling Talia,” I answered.
“Haha funny joke. Really, what are you doing?” she asked.
“Shh. Hi Talia,” I said.
“Hey guys, you know, as an interviewer and president for city council I am sometimes busy. It would be my honor to read your voicemail. If emergency, call at 914-327-2419. Thank you.”
Ugh. So that’s the stupid voice mail my sister has.
“Talia. This is an emergency! We are moving to California because Grandma got a job. If you think you are thinking this in your mind I will repeat… we are moving to California! So bye,” I messaged.
“Let’s go,” urged Valerie.
“Shh,” I whispered as we headed down the stairs. They were still talking. We listened.
“We are moving in August to Los Angeles and I feel bad that the two people not at the meeting are Sophie and Talia because their friends live in the same neighborhoods,” smiled Grandpa.
I gasped. Valerie gasped. We ran upstairs and emailed Gina again.
To: Gina Foregeive
I am moving to Los Angeles on August 1st. Looking forward to seeing you.
-Valerie and Sophie
We went downstairs.
“Hi guys,” I smiled.
“I’ll email you and Talia the big news,” Grandma assured.
Then, after a little chitter chatter, this is the story of us playing monopoly. And somehow Grandpa always makes us play his way. Rules of his way:
If Grandpa gets put in jail, he can pay one dollar to the bank. If anyone else goes to jail, they have to pay fifty dollars to the bank.. If Grandpa wants to automatically pass jail three times, he puts ten dollars in the bank. Anyone else pays two hundred dollars.
If Grandpa wants to buy a property but he has no money, he doesn’t have to do any type of math like mortgaging. He may just grab 200 dollars from the bank. Anyone else has to mortgage.
If anyone but Grandpa would like to buy a property, they must do the math of subtracting their properties on the board to find the exact amount.
When you buy a property, it will give you the information of the cost. If you have a monopoly, you may put on a house or hotel. The cost depends on the property. It will say it on the card. However, for Grandpa, he may put houses without a monopoly for only the brown, blue and orange properties.
What Grandpa needs:
20 of 1, 5, 10, 20, 100, 100 of 500
He always is the money bag
What you need:
5 of 1, 5, 10, 6 of 20, 100 1 of 500
Multiple choice pieces
I know, right!?!? He is so unfair. I don’t even have to tell you who always wins. Whenever you know who wins first he shouts, “Monopoly!” and then he says “Go to bed kidlets.” But to top all that, at the same time Talia came running in.
“Hey Grandma, congrats to the job! So psyched to move!” smiled Talia. I had never seen her so happy since… ever! Except. well, maybe when I was born. And I always love to hear the story when she was so loving that she was having a baby sister that when I was one years old, she put eye-shadow on me and told my mother that I should get the hang of it because when I’m older I should be a make-up freak like her.
“What are you guys playing? Some Grandpa monopoly?” asked Talia.
“Yes, Lia, now put your stuff down and you can tell us all about the meeting,” chuckled Grandma with joy.
“Okay, I guess I will hear all about the meeting,” I fakely grinned.
“Go to BED!” screamed Grandpa. I went to bed. Upstairs I could hear Andrew watching the football game and Valerie was sitting there eating popcorn. I felt bad for Valerie. She could do so much better picking a boyfriend. If I had to pick someone right now you know who I would pick? I always love to prove my friends wrong inside my head so to be funny I took out the list of my dream man and started to stare at it:
Notes on dream man:
Dreamy blue eyes+
Wavy blonde hair+
Good sense of humor+
Likes me as much as I like him+
Can take my pathetic life and flexibility even when I goof = Eric
Eric IS NOT my crush but we share some pathetic coincidences. He fits all these details and I know they are very rare to fit (at least the last two sentences). I mean, he is a prince and I’m a girl who has fantasies about him. But to Eric, I am a princess in disguise. I think. But I am in the mood for fantasy. “Me and Eric kissing in a tree, goodnight, princess me,” I muttered.
“Buzz! Buzz!” Ugh! Shut up computer. I needed to sleep. My eyes flickered open. Sweetie Pie licked me. “ Love you, Sweetie Pie, but why did they ever program it to do that?” I asked myself. When I was younger, me and Gina programed my computer to say when I got an email, “Buzz! Buzz! You got mail! You got mail!” now I regret it. Speaking of Gina this was her email:
To: Sophie Resnick
OMG! So sorry for late response, there is this boy, Theo, and he can’t stop emailing me so I decided not to bother checking my email. So psyched. My same neighborhood! Email me the following when you can:
What time is the flight:
Which airport will you land in:
What is the address:
When I know all that, we can visit each other. Also, I meant to tell you someone named Rosa will call you. Don’t ignore. She is my BFF in my California school. But when you move to my school, we can all be BFFs!
With all that in my brain, wow, was I really confused! Reasons:
I quickly called Valerie.
“I have news,” I said.
“Ugh! Sophie! It’s 6:00. What’s up? Good news or bad?” she asked.
“First of all, Gina responded. So at 7:00 come over and read it. Second of all, we might be replaced by someone as BFF,” I told her.
“Sounds like an emergency. See you in a few! Also, when I get there, I will have to spend time with Andrew. He is feeling left out. Okay? I’ll get to you,” shouted Valerie.
I hung up on her. Whatevs. She was not seeing the point. Suddenly, I got a call from Rosa.
“Hi,” Rosa said with what sounded like a smile.
“Hey,” I answered.
“So I hear you are Gina’s OLD friend. I feel so bad. I felt like I was teaching a dog to talk. You probably told her nothing about the real world,” she said sarcastically.
“Oh, okay. Gina is such a good friend. She told me about you. She talks about you a lot,” I smiled back.
“I know, right? I am so cool as a friend. I think you are now her and my BFF. When we were doing our handshake, which is so clever of Gina to make up, boom chicka BFF, right?, so anyway, she said she missed you but I remind her of you. And to get over you, she has me as a replacement,” boasted Rosa.
I started to cry. I made up the boom chicka BFF for me, Valorie, and Gina! I was being replaced. I quickly said, “Talk to you later. Got to go,” and hung up. I cried and cried. I went into Talia’s room and knocked on the door.
“Yes,” answered Talia.
“I need advice,” I whispered.
“Braces look better than retainers,” interrupted Talia.
“No! Have you ever been the third wheel?” I asked.
“Yes! I have never been a second wheeler on a bike for like ever. You know I have training wheel difficulties. Don’t bug me Sophie!” answered Talia.
“No like in a threesome of friends,” I explained.
“Math and friends in the same sentence? You must really need advice,” smiled Talia as she FINALLY let me in!
“So I have two friends,” I started.
“Ugh! Are you and Sammie STILL friends!” interrupted Talia.
“No! Not since kindergarten. Talia, listen. So my friend Gina moved to California and she met a girl named Rosa. Now I am being replaced,” I explained.
“Two questions. First of all, what does this have to do with Sammie and Gina?” asked Talia.
“It doesn’t! Just my other friend and her were all friends,” I whined.
“Okay. Number two, why do you need advice? Great, Rosa sounds like a foolish name and is not very punctual but I don’t see MY part in the story!” answered Talia.
“Ugh! What should I do?” I asked.
“I say be BFFs with Rosa and forget Gina. It sounds like she forgot you!” suggested Talia.
I shrugged at her. It wasn’t a bad idea. But again, she didn’t know who she was talking about.
“GINA? No no no no no she is my best friend. But thanks,” I smiled. I emailed Gina.
To: Gina Forgeive
Got the call from Rosa. Call me when you can!
I wanted to tell Gina how coconuts she was that she even thought about talking to Rosa at all. She so betrayed me. I couldn’t believe it, so to express myself I wrote her a letter in the mail.
I got Rosa’s call. I thought the ‘boom chicka BFF’ was OUR handshake. For starters, you replaced me and told her all of me, you and Valerie’s secrets. I know it is rough stuff in California but could you please, please, please tell me why this is happening?
I tried not to cry. Sweetie Pie barked. “Oh good girl!” I sniffled, grabbing a tissue. Sweetie Pie went over to my desk and grabbed a piece of paper. I turned it over. It was a picture of me, Valerie, and Gina. I crossed Gina out and put the words “With Rosa” under her name.
“Sweetie Pie! You want me to walk you, don’t you?” I guessed.
“Arf!” barked Sweetie Pie. So I grabbed her leash and went for a walk.
Along the walk, Sweetie Pie saw a dog, the same breed as her. They looked so similar.
“They like each other!” exclaimed the owner of the other dog.
“Her name is Sweetie Pie. What is yours?” I asked. The owner looked exactly my age and was so pretty.
“Her name is Angel Pony. And I am Lily. What school are you going to this fall?” she asked.
“Hi Lily. I am Sophie. Are you new in the town? I am going to be going to this school called Rumbling Acres. You?” I asked.
“I am new! I am also going to Rumbling Acres! Gee, I thought I would never make a new friend but here I am,” explained Lily.
Angel Pony licked me. Sweetie Pie licked Lily.
“Hey, what’s your email? Mine is LilyLargsburg@yahoo.com,” she said.
“Sophie922@gmail.com,” I answered, smiling.
“I’ll email you” said Lily.
“Okay, bye Lily!” I grinned walking back towards my house. I was so happy that I wanted to scream. When I got home, Valerie was with Andrew.
“Hey Sophie,” greeted Valerie. I pulled her towards the stairs.
“So what’s this Gina business?” asked Valerie. I told her everything that had happened today.
“And she was so friendly to me, her name is Lily” I explained.
“Lily? Largsburg? You have got to be kidding me! I know a Fifi Largsburg I met just yesterday and wow! She seems so cool!” shouted Valerie. My computer buzzed.
To: Sophie Resnick
What is your address! I might be able to come for breakfast tomorrow morning? Nice meeting you with Angel Pony and Sweetie Pie. Your dog is the cutest! Since this is my first year at Rumbling Acres, could you help me out with answering these questions?
Who are the kids I should watch out for?
Who should I sit with at lunch?
What are the classes that I should pay attention to?
Do I need lunch money?
Valerie read the email and I wrote back,
My address is 1245 Ocean Beach, Solana Beach Cove.
P.S My friend knows your big sister