“All of a sudden I was there. But what was I before? Was there a before? I was alive. But what was alive?”
All of a sudden I was there.
But what was I before?
Was there a before?
I was alive. But what was alive?
I felt something rising into my subconsciousness, something of knowing.
But what was I before? Did I not exist? I can’t remember.
I stretched into my new form. It felt different, somehow.
I looked across the landscape, or was it sky? What does that mean? How do I know what this means?
It was blank, white, nothing. I could see nothing, or was it that I couldn’t see anything? But surely, if I saw nothing, It would be black, as I saw before. What was before?
Then I knew, at least I knew something. I could see something. Everything was just sucked of, something, instead of nothing, and this I know. Because I could see something. Full of vibrance…Color, that is what it was. Color. I could see it. It was small, but full of greens and blue. In the distance, a small box of beautiful color. And then I heard something. Heard, hearing? Yes. I heard something. Something very small. Something I know, no, believe to be coming from that color.
Then, before I could even realize it, something moved. Was it me? Did I move? I think I did. Suddenly I was closer, to the blue and the green. I looked in.
There were vibrant colors, lush greens and intoxicating blues, covering, what was it called? The landscape, yes. Mountains and hills rose and fell as they pleased, and the water rushed in rivers and sparkling waterfalls, dancing around the land. It appeared to have part of it submerged in water, it was surrounded by this blue liquid, it was all alone. The beautiful land was untouched, until I touched it.
I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to get close. The land was so beautiful and bright. It was warm. I wanted to see if I could go there, I had a pang of loneliness, it was terrible. Around me it was gray, sucked of color in any shape or form. I wanted to be somewhere where it was beautiful. I couldn’t help myself, I wanted to see if I could join it. So I touched it.
I didn’t mean for it to happen! I just wanted to see! But now it seems my touch has broken chaos on the world. Every tree around was on fire! Everything was brown and black, all broken and smoldering in ashes.
It changed. Something did. I think I changed it. with my touch, now the green is being replaced by a dark gray and orange and yellow tongues, I think, fire is what it’s called.
Something grew louder.
What was that? I looked around, I was alone, who could be saying that? What could be saying that? I looked into the box, now all gray and dull, black splotches littered the land and it made me feel sick just looking at it, knowing that I had changed all the beautiful green color to a dark gray. Well, I think I felt sick, but I did not feel good. So I moved, I moved away, I could not look at the destruction that I had inflicted. That was probably the only thing like that ever, the only thing with color, and I ruined it. I didn’t even have the slightest hope that it would get better, that it would, grow again. I couldn’t even think about it, I had to leave it, and so I did.
This thing has not given up, even if now the green is gone and it is just a murky gray and blue, and I’m not even convinced that I have given up on it. I hear it all the time.
It said words over and over again.
Was it in trouble? No, I don’t think so. After I destroyed it, it only seems to get louder. But I didn’t think the blue itself was in danger, only everything in the blue.
But was there something in the blue making that noise? That I do not think so. But I couldn’t pull myself to seeing it. Dread and guilt have somehow taken over me, and it is horrible.
Now that was the loudest it had even been. So I fought what I was feeling and peered back in again.
Gray, dull. All black and singed with some pestering flames that would not die out. However, the trees did not look as bare, was something growing on them?
Now what was that? Where did it come from? I searched the box, trying to find this sound. Can sound be found? No, I was trying to find what was making the sound.
I found it, I think I found it. What was it? It was standing there, no, it was in danger. It was in the blue, in the blue and fighting. Fighting the blue? Yes, I think so. It was thrashing wildly and it was screaming. What could I do? What should I do? I didn’t want to destroy everything. Not again.
But maybe, maybe I could help it. Pick it up or something. Maybe if I touched it softer.
Something moved, and it made a loud noise. Did I move it? The land shifted, it moved! I moved it! But the thing was scared, at least, I think that’s what it was. It thrashed some more and screamed about.
I did it again, and I moved the land closer to the thing. No, it did not realize. I moved it closer. Then it happened. I plowed the creature over with the land. I didn’t mean to! Whenever I touched the land, something bad happened.
But the creature was alive, it wasn’t hurt. It just stood up and walked onto the land. There, it was safe. But why couldn’t the creature just move the land itself?
Then, something strange happened, something interesting. The creature rose, and then looked to me. Could it see me? Did it know I was there? But something told me that it did. Because all of a sudden, the creature got on its knees and bowed.
What just happened? The land moved. It moved! And now I am safe. But what moved it? I think, some sort of a guardian? I protector? A god?
I think I must praise it, if it is to keep me safe. Safe from what? Well, it is better to be safe, than, well, not safe.
“Thank you!” I cried. I didn’t know if it heard me. This guardian, this God. I think that’s what I will call it, the God, my God. Did others have their own Gods? Were there others?
I felt lonelier than ever.
“I am alone?” I asked, asked the God. I don’t think it heard me.
“Why am I alone?” I asked again. I don’t think the God heard me.
I didn’t know what to do, so I walked, I walked around. I wanted to find some place beautiful, where I could live, live with someone, so I am not alone. Maybe others are waiting for me to live somewhere, so they can come.
Was the God watching me? That I do not know. Will it guide me to the perfect place, a blessed land? That I do not know, either.
But I kept walking, for a long time, when something strange happened. It got less bright. Darker? It was getting darker, and the big ball of light in the sky was falling. Falling! It was falling! Why? Will I end? Will I die?
“Why is the ball of light falling?” I shouted. But the God did not answer. I don’t think there is a God anymore. I think the land moving was something else. A coincidence of sorts.
Something was different. I could tell. I felt weaker. What was wrong with me? This little creature I watched was beginning to move around, from place to place, slumped over in a sad state.
And that’s when I felt it.
When the little creature looked to the sky, it said something, something I could not understand, and slumped and turned away. Was it mad at me? Did it expect, something?
But then I felt weaker, I didn’t know why. Was it because I had lost the creature? Lost it to what? That I could not say.
Should I give it something? What would I give it? I didn’t want to touch the land again, not after what I had done to it. Was it mad at me for destroying its home? Or making it look less vibrant?
I had to do something, I did not like seeing this creature upset, and I did not like the feeling of weakness.
It had been pacing around and muttering something. I tried to listen.
I heard that one word, lonely.
The creature was alone! Alone like me! That is why it is sad, at least, I thought so. Did it not know that I was there, that it was not alone? Maybe I wasn’t enough.
Was I supposed to make another one? I didn’t know how to do that!
I thought if maybe I could just think hard enough about it, I could make another one. Maybe.
I don’t know what I did, but suddenly, there it was. It was something, but it did not look like the creature. Did I have to make it look like that? It was floating by me. What should I do? I looked down. I seemed to now have gained a vessel of sorts. I looked much like the creature. I had hands, yes, hands. I didn’t know when I suddenly gained hands.
I stretched the creature before me. What a mess! It was gooey and floppy, and I didn’t know how I would be able to make it look like the creature.
I looked at the sad, slumped creature back in the not so colorful land, trying to gather ideas on what it looked like.
I guess I thought hard enough about it because when I turned back, the floppy mess looked like the creature.
Only how to bring this new creature to the sad creature in the land?
Now I am sure there is a God, because I was sitting under a tree when suddenly someone appeared. It looked like me.
“Hello,” it said simply.
“Hello,” I replied, the word new on my tongue. How did this new creature know more than I did?
Where did the creature come from? The God.
I bent down on my knees and bowed to the God. The new creature stared curiously at me.
“The God brought you here,” I said, “Brought me here, saved me from the water.”
The creature looked intrigued, and I wasn’t sure that it knew more than me anymore,
“Where is the God?”
“Up in the sky.”
That I didn’t know. But I knew I wasn’t alone.
The new creature worked really well with the previous creature. They are both happy. And, somehow, they gathered materials and now have made, what is it called, a shelter!
I felt something swelling in me. Was it pride?
Now they were living in a shelter together.
Except one thing. When they came out, there were more creatures than that went it.
What happened? Had I created more?
There seemed to be some noises coming from the hut when they were in there, than the smaller creatures that came out.
Could I make smaller me’s?
I thought that maybe I could do that, except I needed a hut.
I must have a hut of my own, that will be something to work on.
I have found some interest in this God power. My people have found solitude in this beautiful land that the God brought us to. I taught my people the ways of our God, and they have a strong belief in It’s teachings. I was their leader, and our people grew from a meager tribe to a great civilization. We have buildings that seemed to reach the sky. We work the land to raise our crops so we could feed further generations. We tamed beasts and we tamed the water, and our God paved the way, sculpting the land to our pleasing. Our God brought forth our kind, and the only thing we could do in return is offer our belief, and act on It’s will. I was the oldest in our tribe, the leader, but suddenly one day I went somewhere else. I felt a floating sensation and saw a bright light, and suddenly I was looking down at my own people. I could see a wave of despair, and saw people crying, for the first time my people were corrupted with sadness. Nothing I have ever felt had felt worse. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned to see a smile that encompassed such kindness and wisdom. I looked down again, and saw my people moving on, and a beautiful ceremony for my transcendence into this new realm. A new leader arose and I knew that they were now in good hands. I turned back and realized.
They always were.
I watched as the people, my people, transformed into new shapes. They advanced, and arose as a powerful community. They believed in me, I could feel it. I realized that the only way I could survive was to feed off of their generous belief, and the only thing I could do in return was expand the land for them to use, and to guide them when they became troubled, and had no one to provide answers for them.
However, sometimes, even I didn’t have an answer.
But I never thought of myself as some divine being, however, if they believe I am, and rely on me so, I must be of some importance. I saw them grow and expand, how fast that they did. Before long they had large communities and could write each other cryptic messages with some sticks and a thin parchment they invented through the trees I had provided.
How cleverly they used their resources, always wanting to know exactly how to do something, always wanting to know how to do something to better their society. How kind they were, always lending a helping hand to others who had their particularly unique life not so well. Their leader was warm and kind, as well as wise and fit enough to lead them through, well, the not so great times.
And there were some not so great times, where greed and pride and selfishness had blackened their path and lead them to bring harm on themselves, and on others, and I was indeed surprised that there were others, but somehow I believed that they were distantly connected with me. Somehow. However, I tried to guide them to their particular needs and tried my best to lure them back when they questioned their belief in me. How frustrating it was to know that somehow they didn’t, almost seemed that they couldn’t, believe in my power and existence. It took me a while to figure out how to contact them, but somehow only certain people could feel my presence on a regular time period.
How easily manipulated they were, how easily they could lose their faith, but if they chose a different path, I could still feel they were connected to me. I knew that they could never leave me for good, I was a part of them.
Then suddenly, one day, one of them came to me. It ascended to me, a dull smile and worn eyes. Below I saw the people ravaged in grief, it made my heart ache. I saw tears form in the person’s eyes, I put my hand on it’s shoulder, I had to comfort it somehow. But they moved on, they were once again in the hands of a wise and knowing leader.
Then I realized, in the face of the person next to me, there was a familiar feature in its face. I realized, this was the first. The one that was drowning before, the one that believed in me from the start, the one I owe all my power to. Had this person come to a new world, had it joined me? Forever? Maybe it’s time in the world below us was over, and it had yet to join me in this new realm, a new part of it’s existence. For this person, and me as well, will never go away, we will always exist, we will just always be in a different form, waiting for someone else to find us, and to make us feel special in an empowering way.
I knew and welcomed the thought of one day meeting all of the people below us, and to learn of their experiences, because all I know now, I have learned from them. But was there going to be a time when I left this stage, abandoned these people that so greatly depended on me? I didn’t know, but something told me that I would always be with these people, not just these ones now, but future generations, and I couldn’t wait to meet them all, to see their experiences and help them on their wonderful journey.
I looked at the person before me, and I felt a great burst of love and pride swell in my heart. We looked on at the people, our people, together, as we watched them enter a new challenge, and a new age. I didn’t know what was to come, to happen next, but I knew it was going to be alright.
We’ve already come this far.