Definitely Not Evil

by Tommy Coughlin
Definitely Not Evil Thomas likes muffins, grilled cheese sandwiches, and donuts. He like robots, too.

“Once upon a time, there was a guy who made really good muffins and was definitely not evil. He lived on top of a mountain. There was a construction worker on his lunch break, and he said, ‘Hey, what should I have for lunch?'”

Once upon a time, there was a guy who made really good muffins and was definitely not evil. He lived on top of a mountain. There was a construction worker on his lunch break, and he said, “Hey, what should I have for lunch?”

Then, someone threw a phonebook at the construction worker, saying, “Get out of the road, bozo!” Then, the construction worker saw on the phone book, Muffin House (Definitely Not Run By An Evil Guy). It was located on a mountain.

“Oh no!” said the construction worker. “I don’t like mountains, and I really want a muffin!” So, he got a wrecking ball from his work and destroyed the mountain, so he could get his muffins.

Then, the definitely not evil guy (who I didn’t make a name for) said, “Hey! You will pay for that.”

Then, the construction worker, whose name was Bob, said, “How much? $5.99?”

Then, the evil guy who was evil and who I thought of a name for (Evil Guy), said, “You destroyed my house!”

“No,” said Bob, “I destroyed your bakery.”

“House!”

“Bakery!”
“House!”

“Bakery!”

“House!”
“Bakery!”

“Okay,” said Evil Guy. “You destroyed my bakery/house.”

“Fair enough,” said Bob. “Now what?”

One hour later…

“Hmmm,” said Bob and Evil Guy. It had been so long that the narrator got bored and quit, so they had to hire a new one.

“Oh, I was going to make you pay with my monster muffin with ridiculously big eyebrows,” said Evil Guy.

“O-M-G!” said Bob. “Those are ridiculously big eyebrows.”

He was right, said the new narrator. Now the big muffin was trying to eat Bob, and Bob was like, “O-M-G! A gigantic muffin is chasing me!”

Then, he realized it was a muffin that made this mess and that he was hungry. The muffin didn’t last long after that. To make this long story short, chomp chomp, burrp! Bob ate the muffin, got his lunch, and went back to work, when he realized the evil guy was still out there!!!

Bob realized he needed help when someone threw a phone book at him, saying, “Get out of the construction site, bozo!!!”

“Hey, I work here,” said Bob.

“Okay, sorry,” said the guy in the car, but this was a different phone book. On the back it said, Need help? Call this guy (his name is Good Guy)! Definitely not located on a mountain!

Then, Bob realized he should get help, so he went to the place that was definitely not on the mountain, and he asked for help. So he got help, and then he tried to find the evil guy who made the muffin to catch him and put him in jail. So that’s exactly what they did.

Then, they got a truck and rode around, trying to think where the Evil Guy would go. First, they checked a ton of bakeries, then they checked a ton of evil bases that luckily had no one in them, and then they tried looking for bakeries that had secret evil rooms. And they found Evil Guy, but he escaped.

They chased him and chased him, and then they finally caught him, but he escaped again. Then, they caught him. They really, really caught him, and then…

 

THE END

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.