“When hot dogs take over the world, here are some things you need to know. If you are eating food right now, stop!!! When hot dogs take over the world, the only way to escape them is to eat the hot dogs. If you are eating, you are a threat to the universe. If you have ever eaten before but you are not a threat to the universe, you are a threat to the world.”
Written in 3018
Hi! I’m Beatrice! I write books about things that could happen in the future. Everyone must be prepared. The beginning of my story always starts with the object I’m talking about. This story should prepare you for when… hot dogs take over the world!
(This story is not fictional.)
When hot dogs take over the world, here are some things you need to know. If you are eating food right now, stop!!! When hot dogs take over the world, the only way to escape them is to eat the hot dogs. If you are eating, you are a threat to the universe. If you have ever eaten before but you are not a threat to the universe, you are a threat to the world. You have to save space for all those hot dogs. Another thing is that now, every night, you must carry a knife to bed to fight off the hot dogs in the middle of the night. Also, hot dogs hate backpacks, so anyone who has a backpack could possibly die. In that case, anyone who’s reading this should hand me their backpack right now. They also hate pillows. And jackets. And snacks. All those things should be handed to me right now. This is not a scam. Another thing hot dogs don’t like is cars and money. And you should also give me the world. Hot dogs are taking over the storyworld, so they must not like it. That’s the end of my story, but my life isn’t over, so my personal story continues.
“Beatrice!!! You are once again late, and this time I will not tolerate it!!! You are three quarters fired, young lady!”
That’s my not best friend, Ashley. She thinks she’s the boss of everyone. She publishes, edits, types, and receives money for the stories I write. Whenever I’m late, she fires me three quarters. Now I’m down to two tenths. Ashley claims that I never contribute to my stories and that’s why I never get paid. But I do!!! Ashley is such a two-faced butthead! I hate her. No. In fact, I hate Ashley. If I could dump someone into a trash compactor, it would be her. And then there’s Sunny. Sunny is my cat. My talking cat. Sunny is everything to me. I come after a very, very, very, very, very long lecture by Ashley. Look at the size of that font. Then times it by the biggest number you can think of. Argh. But the worst part is, when I got home, I saw that my dad had left me a hot dog. He had also left me a note in his scribbly, fancy handwriting. It said… it said… I didn’t have time to think about it, because just then, something hit me in the head, and everything went black. Dun dun dun…
I woke up in a big, fat, smelly room. Someone was standing over me, and I felt scared. Wait a second. That wasn’t a person! That was a hot dog! Then I remembered. I had forgotten to take off my backpack! No! I was about to die, and it was all my dad’s fault. Then, I heard a small purring sound. Sunny! Yes! I tugged at the hot dog. Then, a layer of the hot dog came off revealing… a person! And it wasn’t any old person, it was Ashley!
“Ashley! What are you doing at my house in a hot dog suit at MIDNIGHT?!”
“Okay, okay! Yeesh! Chill out! I was just looking for the hot dog story, so I could type it!”
“In a hot dog suit?” I say.
“Okay, I was trying to scare you. I thought maybe if I scared you, you would quit writing stories, and I could take all the credit without having to feel bad about it!”
“Yeah… No. I would never quit writing stories, it’s my life!” I said.
“But… but… ” stammered Ashley. Suddenly, Sunny jumped on Ashley. “Help! Get your stupid cat offa me! Are you crazy?!”
“No way!” I said.
“Fine! Type your own stupid stories! ‘Cause I QUIT!”
I was astonished. Ashley picked up the hot dog costume and threw it onto my bedroom floor.
The next day at school, I noticed a girl at lunch sitting all alone. I felt exactly the same, so I came over and introduced myself.
She looked up at me and quietly said, “I’m Maya. I just moved here from Japan.”
“That’s so cool!” I said. “I’ve always wanted to go to Japan!”
Maya looked up at me. “Really? I thought people would tease me about it.”
“No way!” I said. “I know millions of kids who’d love to meet you. Also, I write stories. Would you like to help me write one? I’m almost finished, but I could use some help.”
“Really?” asked Maya.
“Yeah! We can work on it at my house after school.”
“Let’s be best friends!” Maya said.
“Okay,” I said.
Finally! A friend besides Sunny! A whole new chapter of my life was beginning to unfold. And I couldn’t wait to get started.