“When Mr. Big Head was a little kid, his parents told him not to get so angry. But did he listen? No. Mr. Big Head is an angry man.”
Mr. Big Head
When Mr. Big Head was a little kid, his parents told him not to get so angry. But did he listen? No. Mr. Big Head is an angry man. Every day he gets madder and madder and madder. One day that got too far. It was a normal day for Mr. Big Head. He was mad because his breakfast was a tad bit too hot and spicy. Mr. Big Head was really grumpy. When he went to work, he was really mad because his computer wasn’t starting. So he smashed it! Everybody in the room stared. That made Mr. Big Head even madder. Then he went over to his boss’s computer. Boom! He smashed it! And he kept doing that until everybody’s computer was smashed.
“Okay, now everything’s fine!” said Mr. Big Head.
Then a little kid was making too much noise on the street. That made Mr. Big Head really angry. He took his broken computer and threw it out the window at the little kids. All the little kids ran home.
And Mr. Big Head ran after them yelling, “Puny little kids!”
Work was over for Mr. Big Head. He decided to take a cab. Somebody by accident on the way bumped him lightly. So he punched them out of the atmosphere! Finally he got into his cab. The cab was smelling bad. So he started yelling at the driver. Eventually he punched him. He Finally he reached home. The door wasn’t opening for five seconds, so he kicked it down. The cat was in front of his way, so he kicked it to who knows where. He was eating dinner, and he was getting angrier and angrier about his dinner. His dinner was yuck in every way.
“Me want candy!” he screamed.
Finally, it happened. Kaboom! Mr. Big Head’s head exploded. After he died, the rest of his body lay in jail because he assaulted a cab driver.
And the moral of this story is don’t be like Mr. Big Head in any way. I mean, unless you want to die by getting too angry.
Mrs. Little Head and The Deadly Laughter
Mrs. Little Head was a really happy person.
When she was a little kid, her parents told her, “You should control your emotions. You shouldn’t be too happy all the time. It isn’t good for you.”
Did she listen? Well, no. She didn’t really have a choice — she was just happy all the time! It was a special day for Mrs. Little Head. New neighbors had joined the neighborhood, and two little puppies were giving birth to other puppies. Mrs. Little Head was really happy. She set off for the ceremony of the puppies. She had arrived just in time. The ceremony was starting. Mrs. Little Head thought the ceremony was really good. She was super happy. On her way out of the ceremony, she passed the two new neighbors.
She said, “Hi, new neighbors, what are your names?”
The neighbors answered, “Mason and John.” And they added, “Stay away, or else!”
Mrs. Little Head was like, “Okay! I’ll stay away!” She smiled at the neighbors.
She overhead the two neighbors saying, “That woman is too happy. She should really not be this happy.”
Then Mrs. Little Head said, “It’s good to be too happy! It’s not too good to be too angry like Mr. Big Head, my brother.”
Mrs. Little Head set off for work. Today was a big day for their company. They were getting so many orders all over the world. Can you get me one pack of pencils and two pillows? was one of the orders. Can you get me one king bed and two twin beds? was another order, etc.
Mrs. Little Head was really happy. She was known throughout the office for being really cheerful and happy. At lunch break, a lot of people came up to Mrs. Little Head and started telling her jokes.
One of the jokes was, “What do you call someone who steals burgers?”
Mrs. Little Head said, “What do you call someone who steals burgers?”
“A burger-lar,” they said.
Mrs. Little Head started roaring with laughter. Then other people also started laughing really loud, which made Mrs. Little Head laugh even louder and harder. Soon the whole neighborhood was laughing. Because of one man. Mrs. Little Head laughed so hard that she choked on a piece of rotting bologna sandwich and couldn’t breathe. Nobody realized she was choking because they were all laughing so much. Five minutes later, Mrs. Little Head had passed away. The guy who told the joke went to jail because Mrs. Little Head had died. Nobody ever forgot about Mrs. Little Head, and the joke was added to the “don’t-dos” around the world.
Mr. Normal Head
Before you start reading this chapter about Mr. Normal Head, there is one thing you need to know about him. He is very different than Mrs. Little Head and Mr. Big Head. Unlike Mrs. Little Head and Mr. Big Head, Mr. Normal head has absolutely no feelings whatsoever.
Mr. Normal Head was waking up on a normal day. Any day was normal for Mr. Normal Head. It didn’t matter if he won the lottery or not, pooped in his pants, or received a bill from the bank, or was robbed. His trademark reaction was just to shrug. He didn’t really know what to do in any situation.
Mr. Normal Head was eating cereal for breakfast. He accidentally spilled it on his pants. He just shrugged. “Eh, whatever. Just cereal. Could have been worse.”
Mr. Normal Head went outside to work. It was pouring really hard, and there were thunderstorms and tornadoes and any bad thing you could think of. Even Mr. Big Head. He shrugged. “Eh, it’s just all the bad things in the world that could ever happen. Who cares?”
Mr. Big Head came over. “Hey, I care!” Mr. Big Head said.
Mr. Normal Head said, “You may care, but I still don’t care.”
Mr. Big Head got so mad that he punched him.
Mr. Normal Head just continued walking as if nothing had happened.
Mr. Normal Head arrived at work with one arm missing, a chunk of his leg missing, and a black eye. Everybody started staring at him. Mr. Normal Head shrugged with one arm. Suddenly a man came rushing into a room.
He said, “Which of you do I want?” Then he said, “Oh, this guy looks like General Material.” He looked battle-scarred, that’s why the man picked him. He said, “Do you want to be a general, sir?”
Mr. Normal head shrugged with one arm.
The man said, “Okay, I’ll take that as a yes.”
The man took Mr. Normal Head away and started his training immediately.
Mr. Normal Head just kept getting the best grades for his training, except when it came to the guns. Mr. Normal Head just stood there doing nothing.
Soon enough, World War I, one of the deadliest battles ever, started. The problem was that Mr. Normal Head the General was assigned with a gun. He didn’t know how to operate it. So, he just stood there. And that wasn’t good for his health. Later, he was dying. He had several wounds, none of which were good. The doctors tried to revive him. But the wounds were just too much, and Mr. Normal Head passed away.
Mrs. Blue Head
Mrs. Blue Head was crying one morning because she didn’t have any food, and she had to go to the supermarket to get some. The supermarket was only 15 feet away. She trudged along, depressed, to the supermarket. Then she finally entered the supermarket. Everybody was staring at her. That made Mrs. Blue Head cry even harder. She got her food and exited the supermarket as soon as she could.
She cried all the way back home. Then she ate her cereal. Then she left for work.
Mrs. Blue Head worked in a private office because no one wanted to hear her crying, wailing, and howling. She entered her private office. There were no people in the building because Mrs. Blue Head was really loud, and her crying could give you a headache. Mrs. Blue Head didn’t get right down to work. For the first hour, she was crying. The second hour, she was working and crying. And for the rest of the hours, she was mostly working and crying.
Mrs. Blue Head was proud of herself. She had done a lot of work today and a lot of crying today. She exited the building and saw someone crying. That made her cry even harder and harder! All the cars sped by — no one could bear to hear Mrs. Blue Head’s wailing. Even the person who was crying left. When they all left, she started to cry even harder. Mrs. Blue Head was crying so hard she was literally covered in water. She ran to the store to buy a muffin. All of the people in the store closed their ears, and the customers ran out. Mrs. Blue Head cried even harder.
Finally, all the protein that she had eaten was lost. She grew very pale, and she fell to the ground. Somebody called 911. But even before they called 911, the medics came and said that she was already dead.
The news made everybody cry, but then someone said, “If we cry, we will end up like Mrs. Blue Head.”
Mr. Thrilled Head
It was not a normal day for Mr. Thrilled Head (unlike Mr. Normal Head). It was his birthday today! And he was going on a sleepover, a vacation, and he was getting his driver’s license, and a promotion, and he was moving, and throwing a party!
The first thing on Mr. Thrilled Head’s schedule was to brush his teeth. Then eat his breakfast, then take his morning jog. But Mr. Thrilled head was too excited for a jog — it was more like a sprint! Mr. Thrilled Head had eaten ice cream and cake for breakfast (like he always did). After his morning sprint around his house, which was pretty big (the perimeter was 57 feet), Mr. Thrilled Head went to work.
He had an essay to write. That didn’t take him long. He was so excited he finished in five minutes. And his essay was so good that he got a double promotion. Now he was his boss’s boss.
Next on his list was his office party! They were having a really good time for four hours until they agreed to call the party off.
Then he had his birthday party. When he arrived at his house, he saw so many presents! He was so excited he ran straight through ten buildings, knocking down zero presents. Then he ran up to his office room and started circling around and around, searching for something. Then he was like, “Whatever!” and fell and broke his head, which wasn’t good for his health. Then he died.
Mr. Lightbulb Head and His Great Ideas
“I have an idea!” said Mr. Lightbulb Head. “I will eat breakfast today! I have another idea! I will prepare breakfast before eating it! I have another idea. I will eat oatmeal for breakfast.”
Okay readers reading my book. You understand that Mr. Lightbulb Head has a lot of ideas, and his superpower is to be annoying. Nobody liked Mr. Lightbulb Head from his neighborhood to seven neighborhoods down. Whenever he went to the supermarket, he said, “I will buy a watermelon! I will buy a mango! I will buy everything!”
“Ugh!” everybody would say.
Mr. Lightbulb Head would not reflect on his past. He thought he was a great person who was not annoying. Like Mrs. Blue Head, he worked in a private office.
He said, “I will invest in Whole Foods! I will invest in Trader Joe’s. I will invest in everything!”
Recently the building next to him was demolished because no one wanted to hear him say, “I will invest in Whole Foods! I will invest in Trader Joe’s. I will invest in everything!”
They just left a sidewalk there because if they had put a park there, they wouldn’t be able to maintain it.
He was getting a promotion party today. He may be annoying, but his boss couldn’t deny his good work. He went to his boss’s office. His boss couldn’t deny his good work, but he could have a wicked plan. And that he had right now. His plan was to use champagne, and the cork would hit Mr. Lightbulb Head in the head, and it would shatter and he’d die.
Mr. Lightbulb Head’s boss was not having a good time at the party.
He asked, “Can I have some champagne or wine or whatever you have?”
“Sure,” said the boss.
Mr. Lightbulb Head said, “I have an idea!”
“What’s your idea?” said the boss.
“I will drink champagne, not wine,” he said.
The boss started laughing. Then everyone started laughing. Then the boss opened the cork for the champagne, and it flew and hit Mr. Lightbulb head square in the face. His lightbulb shattered on the ground, and he died.