“This house was not just your ordinary house. It had gone down in 1849. It had fancy golden arches all over it, and it was covered in vines.”
One evening, the haunted mansion had just risen from the ground. Werewolves were guarding it, and if they bit you, you’d turn into one. Zombies were guarding it too, and if they bit you, you also turned into one — unless they devoured you. The zombies and werewolves were all people who used to work in the house. There was a ghost who was the king of the house because he had once owned the house until it sank into the ground. He was the man that had run the house. This house was not just your ordinary house. It had gone down in 1849. It had fancy golden arches all over it, and it was covered in vines. There was a second ghost who was not king of the house, but he was the king’s servant. He would look around for something to eat. Sometimes he found ghost nibblets and sometimes he found seeds and berries. For dessert he’d have a cookie pie.
One night he was looking around for something to eat when he bumped into one of the werewolves and said, “Are you a ghost nibblet or a berry?”
The werewolf said, “Get out of the house if you’re not a ghost!”
The ghost said, “I am a ghost, you rotten berry!”
The werewolf replied angrily at the ghost, “I am not a rotten berry! I am a werewolf!” The werewolf was huffing and puffing and had jagged teeth.
“Try and eat me!” yelled the ghost. “Oh wait, you can’t, because you’re a werewolf, not a ghost. I could actually be inside you if I wanted to.”
“Oh yeah? Try it!”
So the ghost went inside of the werewolf. Once he got out of the werewolf he said, “Oh, you’re never going to be my dinner…” So he went back into the mansion. He realized that he wouldn’t find dinner inside because he had eaten all that was left, so he ventured out into the woods surrounding the house. He had seen the trees but he’d never gone in one.
“What’s this?” he said. “Is it called a hardly bargly? Or is it called a tree? I’ll go with tree! Yeah, tree would be the good name.” He went out and he saw something. It was a panther, but the ghost did not know that. “Oh, you must be one of the werewolves that I’ve heard so much about!” But the panther didn’t say anything because he wasn’t dead yet. So he couldn’t see the ghost, but he could hear him.
The panther thought, What’s that sound? That must be my head talking to myself…
He walked on to ghost’s property and was killed in seconds by the werewolves. The ghost of the panther ran into the forest, saw the ghost and said, “You mangy little thing! You made me go to the werewolf place!” He was running around, but the ghost just floated on.
The ghost kept going until he saw some quicksand. He thought the quicksand was ghost pellets and he tried to pick it up, but he couldn’t because it was just regular quicksand. “Bah! Not ghost pellets.” He moved on until he found an old wood shack. He went through the walls and he saw a little boat. “What is this thing?” It was a canoe made of three logs that were all put together to make a little…it wasn’t really even a boat – it was more like a raft. He moved it without anyone seeing, put it in the water and started paddling. “This is so cool!” he said. He rode it down the river until he reached a waterfall. “Why doesn’t this thing fly?” The raft went over the waterfall while the ghost was still flying. “I guess I’ll just have to keep flying and follow the river,” thought the ghost. He decided to follow the river because he thought it would lead him to food.
He got to the end of the river and walked right into a trap. It was just a table of ghost pellets with a cage on top. The ghost said, “Finally! Ghost pellets!” He went to the table and ate all the ghost pellets, but then the cage dropped and he found the King Ghost standing outside.
“You’re coming back with me,” said the King Ghost. He took him back to the haunted mansion, threw him in a cage, and said, “You will be punished for going outside of the property!” The servant ghost knew he wasn’t supposed to leave the property, but he hadn’t known that the King Ghost would find him.
After the King Ghost left, the servant ghost bent the bars of the cage and went outside. The servant started dragging his rags home, but he accidentally went to mansion of silly stuff, not the haunted mansion! The mansion of silly stuff was next to the haunted mansion, and it was where all the bad ghosts went.
The mansion of silly stuff looked exactly the same as the haunted mansion — it even had the same address. When the servant went inside, he saw a clown that popped out with two kitchen knives in his hands! The clown had a creepy smile painted on his face with sharp teeth, and the little ghost walked through him. He saw that there were ghost crocodiles, ghost sharks, and ghost orcas! He tried to fly up, but then he saw that he couldn’t fly — he had to surf across the water in the mansion. This place was very cold and he rode all around it. Then he found the worst thing of all. It was the ghost trap that held every single ghost that had died there. Then he saw a ghost that he recognized in the trap — it was his father hanging upside down. He had blood all over his face and he was hanging from a rope.
“Ahh! What is that thing?” said the servant ghost. Then he saw another trap that had ghosts parts in it. “I could’ve gotten my father out of the trap if I was the strongest ghost on Earth, but I see that little trap and I’m not falling for it,” he said.
He moved on and then he saw something…it really was the worst thing in the world. He saw a beheaded monster! The monster was squiggling around with arms like an octopus and had fifteen heads that had all been popped off. This monster was black with wings and breathed fire. It was 30,000 feet high and it was all bloody. The monster was so big it barely fit in the house, and it was trying to eat the ghost for a snack. It was drooling blood and was soaking wet with blood. It had orcas that could eat you as a tail. It was screaming like crazy, “Rawr!”
The servant hid behind a rock and said, “That’s gonna take awhile for me to defeat…so I’m just going to sneak around it if I can.” The monster had heads all over its back so it could see everything around it. The ghost tried to sneak around it, but one of the heads saw him. The head breathed fire at him and just barely missed him.
“Well, that was an unexpected party favor,” said the servant ghost. He snuck away and then he saw that there were lots of dead ghosts on the floor. He saw a sword, picked it up, and chopped off one of the heads. Blood and organs exploded from the neck. The monster screeched and the ghost had to cover his ears.
“I’ll just kill the main head,” said the servant ghost. He chopped off the main head with a sword and the monster fell down to the ground. “Well, at least that’s over.” He flew all the way out of the house. “Hey, I’m out in the forest again…oh boy. Now I just have to run away from the King Ghost.” He didn’t know that outside there was a trick. The King Ghost had made the bars of the first cage out of ghost gold, but this time, he made them out of diamonds and iron so that the servant ghost couldn’t bend the bars. The servant ghost stepped on the trap, but he got out of the way of the cage at the last minute. And then, there was more blood! The King Ghost had brought a dragon that ate everything that he saw, including plastic. The dragon’s tail was made of blood, and its face was made of blood — the whole dragon was made of blood — nothing but blood! The blood was red and so fresh that it was streaming. He was making an ocean of blood that nobody wanted to cross because it had orcas in it. The blood dragon was made out of magic blood and had sharp blood teeth.
The servant ghost said, “Blood! Yay! I love eating blood with my noodles…but I still like tacos better.”
The King Ghost yelled, “What? You crazy ghost! I will kill you!” Then he took out his humongous carving knife and threw it at the servant.
The servant caught the knife. “Oh? Was that your best throw?” He threw the knife back at the King Ghost and hit him in the heart. The King Ghost died. But the servant ghost became King because once the King Ghost dies, the servant becomes King. Once the servant became King, he said his first word as the King: “This was the worst day ever! But now that I’m King, I will search for all the old King’s secrets. I will search for the secret lever…”
He found the lever on top of a painting. He pulled the lever, and it opened up a passageway that led all the way to the basement. When he reached the basement, he walked down a hall full of spiderwebs, and there was a very faint light that only bats could see in. Only the old King Ghost had ever been to the basement. It was very creepy with a lot of blood on the pictures and walls. Once the new King Ghost made it down in the basement, he saw there was another lever! On the lever it said, “If you pull this lever down, this mansion will sink down to the ground.”
“Hmm, that’s probably how this mansion sank the first time!” said the new King Ghost. Then he saw the old King Ghost’s bones lying where he had died for the first time. They were in the shape of a human and had goosebumps all over them. Then the bones came alive.
The bones said in a dark, low voice, “Who has made me alive? Whoever has made me alive must be the King!”
The new King Ghost said, “It is I, the servant ghost.”
“What the heck!” said the bones. The bones were so surprised that they almost broke into a million pieces. “What happened to the original King Ghost?”
“Oh yeah, yeah,” said the new King. “Well, there was a knife in his heart…and now he’s dead…and I don’t have a heart, so you can’t kill me. Yeah.”
“Why! What! You killed me? Well, you killed my ghost, not me, because I’m bones…but you killed the GHOST OF ME!”
The new King went back towards the lever. He thought that if he pulled the lever, then it would take him to an Evil Land of Evil, where he belonged. So he went back to the lever and pulled it. The house shook like there was an earthquake. It was like a tornado sucked it underground. It got darker, and darker, and darker, until it was so dark that he realized he was in Ghost Land. All the zombies and werewolves had disappeared. The King wasn’t in the Evil Land of Evil. He was in Ghost Land, where he would sleep forever.