Repl. Sk. Frederick Jonathan Remark
The sky is an object that almost everybody knows about. Therefore, no one but the sky itself knows the very secret of the sky. Well, that’s how it was… but nobody in the entire world knows what really happened on November 13, 2014. Well, no one in the entire world except the sky and me.
Prologue (I think you sort of need to read it, even if you don’t usually read prologues.)
First I must tell you that I am confessing the most important secret of the universe. It is one of the two secrets that the sky has not confessed or given to anyone but me. I do not know the last secret, and even if I did, I would not confess that one secret to the world. That would mean two things: One, I would be betraying the sky’s trust, and the sky’s trust means the holding of the world, (more on that later) and two, the sky has to keep a secret in the Holding, according to the Gazzilion’s Law. (Also more on that later.)
Now, everyone thinks they know for sure the story of the Earth, but can’t prove their theory. You can choose whether to believe the story or not. But the thing is, I have proof.
The sky is the oldest being in the world, as first, there was nothing. Just space. But space is what the sky is. So the sky watched everything happen. But here’s the real shock: the sky- and everything else- is alive.
Now, if you’re going to leave, and not read anything else, do it now. If you believe, read on. If you’d like to believe it’s not real, read on. But if you think it’s all silly, don’t. I don’t like silly-believers.
The sky’s told me about Gazzilion and his Law. It says that as long as the sky keeps a secret, there can be a planet Earth, and the Downfall of Secrets. At the time, the sky didn’t know what the Downfall of Secrets was.
If he did, we wouldn’t be here today. It would just be the sky.
Chapter 1: November 13, 2014
The sky has his vacation on November 13th, every year. November 13th is a day when the real sky is gone. So I do look forward to November 13th, because of my very unique placement. I am the replacement sky. I am the sky on November 13th.
Wait — I forgot to introduce myself! My name is Repl. Sk. Frederick Jonathan Remark!
The Sky of the Start
Hello, o human of humanity! Thy time hath come o human to know, the time of Life and body! Forgive my sort of olde ways of speak, I speaks Skyitmath, the Sky and Life Language! Thou hath misk — no, ways, — of that even myself, the Sky of the Start, wonders how thou kind keeps without Skyitmath! You cannot even talk to a harmless comp.! (Comp. means computer. It is what comp.s like to be called!)
Chapter 2: Enough with Introduction and on with the Story
Repl. Sk. Frederick Jonathan Remark
As the chapter name says, enough with the introduction and on with the story.
NOVEMBER 13, 2014
Immediately after I became the sky, I knew something was wrong. Then it came: orange letters over Washington, D. C., said, “THE DOWNFALL OF SECRETS HAS NOW COME. GAZZILION’S LAW HAS BEEN FULFILLED.”
What was the Downfall of Secrets? And did the sky know?
The Sky of the Start
“I thought I would be seeing you here today, the sky,” said a thoughtful sounding pot from behind my back. I am the sky’s human form.
“Ah hello,” I said. As you can see, I have learned New English!
Repl. Sk. Frederick Jonathan Remark
My hero, the sky, cannot have known about the orange letters, as you could see. So, I took a great risk. I left my post. For 23 minutes, on November 13, 2014, there was no sky. I left. Any human but me who looks at a sky-free sky — well, sky place — will become smarter than the regular kind of them.
In that 23 minutes…well…
Chapter 3: The 23 Minute Minutes
Minute 1
I went to directly below where the letters were.
Minute 2
I investigated.
Minutes 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
I continued investigating.
Minutes 9-20
I visited the sky and told him about the orange letters and what I found there.
Minutes 21, 22
I went to the orange letters and called, “Alright.”
Minute 23
I went back into the sky. I was the sky again.
Chapter 4: Meanwhile
Frederick Johnson of the Human-Nonsensical World
Hi, I’m Frederick Johnson. I am a farmer who lives in the North Pole. I have a chicken who I taught English. Her name is Little Squawky. I have a huge cow, and a crocodile named Mortified, and I’m here to tell you about what I saw at 2:24-2:47, on November 13, 2014. I am happy to tell you, it was not a Friday. It was a Thursday.
Well, I went outside, to talk to Little Squawky. When I got there, Squawky looked almost as terrified as Mortified.
“What happened?” I asked her.
“Look up…” she said fearfully.
I looked up, and the blue sky was pitch black. There was an orange tinge at the bottom of the sky, and the sun had bright orange lines coming from it. Also, I could see each and every planet (and dwarf planet) from Mercury-Venus and Mars-Pluto. They were mostly bright red.
“What does this mean?” I asked Squawky.
“I only can guess…” she replied. I gave her some food, but she wouldn’t eat it.
About 15 minutes later, I was still comforting Squawky and watching the black, starry sky, when suddenly there was a bright orange dot in the middle. I watched as it expanded and rose. It turned sky blue (I mean, regular sky blue) and shiny gold lightning bolts appeared all over the black.
“Don’t look!” Squawky yelled urgently. I looked at her.
“Why not?” I asked. “Do you know something about this that I don’t?”
She looked at me carefully. “Are you in the mood for a story?”
“What story?” I asked.
“It’s worth it…” she said to herself. “Once, there was just sky. Sky alone, without company…” She told me a long legend that you might have heard. A story explaining the universe.
“But that’s made up!” I exclaimed. She sounded like she was going to have said something truthful.
She sighed. She stared straight into my eyes. “I need to think. Alone,” she said quietly. “Go on.”
Chapter 5: The Grave Mistake
Repl. Sk. Frederick Jonathan Remark
Chickens, wolves, roosters, and owls are called the Four Truths. They know the secret of the sky.
I was worried out of my mind. I had seen a man. A very intelligent man, at that. But that meant the man had seen the universe without the sky…
Gazzilion’s Law has 2 parts: the one about the Downfall of Secrets, and another, that says if a human sees the universe without the sky, he is destined to know more than any other man but one other that sees the same thing.
I was thinking about this when I saw the sky.
And the sky… he was mad.
“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?” he yelled. “YOU LEFT! I HAVE TO FIND A DIFFERENT REPLACEMENT SKY!”
He wouldn’t even listen when I told him about the letters. I had lost my title as Replacement Sky Frederick Jonathan Remark. I was just Frederick Jonathan Remark.
The sky had me replace him one last time while he found a new replacement.
The Sky of the Start
I thought I liked dear old F. J. R. (Frederick Jonathan Remark) but he betrayed my trust! Dear old F. J. R., I would never have believed it! But I like R. S. F. J. (Replacement Sky Frederick Johnson), though he almost died of surprise when I explained everything…of course, he has one of the 4 truths who had already known, of course.
Chapter 6: Yes
Repl. Sk. Frederick Johnson
I couldn’t believe it when the sky explained about Gazzilion being a big pot! I was imagining him as a troll! It sounded so crazy, I thought he’d be big and ugly. Apparently, he only agreed to create the universe if the sky accepted his Law…
Anyway…I was wondering about the Downfall of Secrets when I saw a large pot. It was talking.
What would you have done if you saw a large pot talking?
“Are you Gazzilion?”
“Aaaaaaaaaa-eeeeeeeeee-e-ooooo!!&y,” said the pot.
“Ummm…excuse me?”
“Aaaaaaaaaa-eeeeeeeeee-e-ooooo!!&y,” repeated the pot.
Then I realized something. The sky’s language! Skyitmath! Gazzilion must speak that too!
I picked up the pot and went up. (The sky granted me flying when I became his replacement.)
“Oh lord sky of the start, speak to Gazzilion, the pot of the start.”
“Gazzilion, eh?”
“Yes.”
“Aa.”
“OOOOOOooo-e,” replied Gazzilion.
I had to listen to a lot of oooohs and aaahs.
“My dear F. J., Gazzilion has explained the Downfall of Secrets to me,” said the sky.
“Yeah?” I said.
“I must go on a journey with you.”
“Mmm hmm.”
“But I cannot tell you what it is.”
“What?”
“No, I cannot.”
So we set off in the sky, because we couldn’t get a replacement sky.
Chapter 7: The Journey Starts and Ends
“We need to go far. I will explain.”
The sky finally consented to tell me what happened. Gazzilion said that the Downfall of Secrets was something to avoid, so he had to go.
“The sky? Can you tea—”
Suddenly everything was cold and freezing. I fell asleep on the spot. A voice woke me.
“GAZZILION’S LAW HAS BEEN FULFILLED AT LAST! THE DOWNFALL OF SECRETS WILL COMMENCE ON FRIDAY THE 13TH OF THE 13TH MONTH.”
“Well then… it’s not time to go on our journey yet,” said the sky.
Chapter 8: Skyitmath
“The sky?”
“Yes?
“Remember I was starting to tell you something on our journey, but got interrupted by the voice?”
“Yes.”
“Well… could you teach me Skyitmath?”
“The replacement sky! Not knowing Skyitmath! Of course, dear F. J.!”
“Let’s start.”
“Okay. O means yes. E means no,” the sky said.
I soon learned Skyitmath.
“Aaaaaaaaaa-e-e-aaaaaaaaaaaaa-e-e-uu,” I said.
“Very good!” said the sky.
I was in a very good mood by the end of the lessons.
Chapter 9: Gazzilion and the Sky
“Can you explain to me your conversation with Gazzilion before the universe was created?” I asked the sky.
“I will send you back in that memory,” said the sky.
Suddenly I was in the middle of nowhere, a black space, unlimited black space, listening to a conversation in Skyitmath.
“I think I’m going to create something,” the sky was saying. “but only 1 thing. It will be called the universe.”
Then, suddenly, a pot appeared out of nowhere. It was Gazzilion.
“Hello!” Gazzilion said cheerfully.
“Who are you?” the sky asked carefully.
“I am Gazzilion!” Gazzilion yelled loudly.
“Well, I am now going to create the universe,” the sky said. “Please excuse me—”
“Not so fast…” Gazzilion said as he grabbed the sky and pulled him over. “Maybe after you consent to my Law.”
“What is your law? Please tell me.”
“Well, to start, you have to keep at least 1 secret that no one knows.”
“Sure,” replied the sky, seemingly taken aback. “Anything else?”
“You also have to endure the Downfall of Secrets,” Gazzilion said.
“What’s that?”
“You will not know until it happens,” said Gazzilion.
“Alright.”
“Finally, if anyone sees the universe without the sky, they will hereby become more intelligent than the rest of their kind.”
“I consent,” said the sky.
Then I was suddenly back on Earth, looking up, and talking to the sky.
Chapter 10: The 13th Month
I went on with my normal life in the North Pole, occasionally talking to the sky. He often said to talk on December 31st, New Year’s Eve.
I wondered why he wanted to talk to me so badly on New Year’s Eve. It thundered and snowed on the 31st of December. I had to endure horrible weather on the 31st when I went out to talk to him. Of course, I was used to it, living in the North Pole.
The Sky of the Start
I thundered myself and snowed myself in the North Pole the evening of December 31st. I had very serious matters that day. I had to talk to dear F. J., for what was going to happen.
The 13th month. The 13th month, Redember, was lost long ago. Once, the 13th day of the 13th month was the unluckiest day of the year. Especially if it was a friday. But Redember, my favorite month, is now lost. Gone.
Gazzilion Pot of the Law
“No!” I said to the marshwiggle. It was trying to contact it’s family. I’m Gazzilion Pot of the Law, and yes, I’m a supporter of the Downfall of Secrets. But you non-believers and non-sky-free-universe-seers-of-Earth do not have the right to know what that is. I was getting ready for it!!!
Frederick Jonathan Remark, Former Repl. Sk.
I knew something was happening on the 31st of December in the Life-world. I didn’t know what, but there was something. I still pay attention to these things. But I don’t dare talk to the sky.
Repl. Sk. Frederick Johnson
So, the sky has told me about Redember, the 13th month, and how it won’t come back this year but next. The Coming of the Month.
Chapter 11: Regular Life for Frederick Johnson
I have a normal life now, with my dear ol’ chicken, my dear ol’ cow, and my dear ol’ Mortified. Except my great status and my outstandingly unusual knowledge.
I did not leave my North Pole home, in fear of not blending into the world. I did want to meet the man who was replacement sky before me, but I did not know where he lived, and did not dare ask the sky in fear of infuriating it.
One day, I asked the sky, “Is Gazzilion evil?”
“No, Gazzilion is not evil,” the sky replied. “Although, he is a supporter of the Downfall of Secrets. The Downfall of Secrets is something only known by the supporters of it. It is not a fight against the universe, but something to fulfill Gazzilion’s Law of the universe, the only true law, because if Gazzilion’s Law is broken, Gazzilion has permission to destroy the universe.
“The Holding is done by the Holder, whose identity is unknown. The Holding is what holds up the universe. The Holder holds it from inside. Gazzilion has much control over the Holder, and Gazzilion’s Law is very important.”
“That was a very long speech,” I said.
My normal life didn’t seem very normal to others… though.
My normal life lasted until what I thought was… well… I’m not there yet. NEVER MIND.
Chapter 12: The Coming of the Month
It had come.
Redember: the thirteenth month.
Everyone else thought it was New Year’s Day, but it was actually Redember 1st, 2015.
“Yes, we need to prepare,” said a light voice from above. It was the sky.
“How can we prepare for something we don’t know anything about?” I asked.
“Well, well, well,” the sky replied. “We know something.”
“We?” I asked. “You mean ‘you.’”
“No.”
“What do you mean, ‘no.’?”
“Think. It is the Downfall of Secrets. That means revealing a secret.”
Chapter 13: Prophecial Delay
The sky’s preparation wasn’t that easy. We had to build walls, make them unbreakable and undefeatable. Many other things happened.
“Is it done ye—”
I was interrupted by a voice…coming from…coming from…coming from the sky?
“IT WILL NOT HAPPEN ON 13/13 BUT WILL HAPPEN LATER THAN THAT, GAZZILION’S LAW SAYS SO.”
“Um… excuse me?”
I watched the sky say those weird words in a very deep and raspy voice very unlike the sky’s voice. “Hello?” I asked. But the sky was grey. Suddenly, it slowly turned blue.
“Sorry. I must have dozed off,” said the sky.
“Umm…you said…”
“Oh? A prophecy?”
It was a prophecy.
Chapter 14: Gazzilion’s Acknowledgement
Gazzilion Pot of the Law
I am Gazzilion, Pot of the Law! I think we have met before! La la! La la!
I was hummin’ quietly when I heard the ‘ews. I’ wasn’ gonna happen ‘ill ‘Edember thirty ‘irst and stuff. So, I can’t avoid a prophecy!!!!
Chapter 15: The Sky’s Behavior
Repl. Sk. Frederick Johnson
For some reason, the sky wasn’t worried at all. If I was the sky, I would be worried about the Downfall of Secrets! I mean, apart from information from the name, I mean, he wasn’t doing anything at all. The sky wasn’t preparing anymore, after the Delay Prophecy. Apparently, the sky is an oracle.
One day, the sky wanted me to talk to him. I said yes, vaguely hoping he got a lead on the Downfall of Secrets.
“Invert it,” the sky said.
“Umm…what do you mean, ‘invert it?’” I asked. “Invert what?”
“The name! The ‘Downfall of Secrets!’”
“You mean, ‘the secret downfall?’”
“Of course!”
But I barely heard him. I was thinking. What if he was wrong? What if he was like this in the Downfall of Secrets itself?
I went back inside. I looked at the calendar.
It was Redember 30th.
The next day was the Downfall of Secrets.
Chapter 16: The Downfall of Secrets
I tried to point that fact out to the sky, but he wouldn’t listen.
The sky seemed to be going crazy.
The Sky of the Start
“No!” I said. “Please, no!” I’m here to explain the strange behavior of myself over the last two weeks. “No!” I repeated. “Are you not a supporter of the Downfall of Secrets?”
“I am not,” said the sun. “I, however am not in league with the defiers of the Downfall of Secrets, either. I am in a very unique place. I am the 3rd being of everywhere, the 1st being of the universe. I am sad to say that you are the 1st being of everywhere, and the maker of the universe, and Gazzilion is the maker of the Law, and that he is the 2nd being of everywhere.”
The sun is possessing me.
Repl. Sk. Frederick Johnson
I don’t know what’s wrong with the sky. I mean, I’d still trust him with my life, but still…
It was Redember 31st, 9:00 PM, and I was starting to hope it would never happen, when it did.
I was outside, talking to Little Squawky, when it happened.
“Hi, Quawk,” I said.
“Don’t call me Quawk!”
“Okay, Awk.”
“Don’t call me Awk!”
“Okay, Wk.”
“This is getting ridiculous. You know what I like to be called!”
“Ok, K.”
“You really forgot?” Little Squawky glared at me.
“It was just a joke!” I said frantically, waving my hands in the air.
“Okay, okay.”
“Alright. I’m going in, Squaw,” I said.
“Don-”
Little Squawky was interrupted by something loud, although I was pretty sure what she was going to say (Don’t call me that!). It was the sound of air…um…blowing?
Um… well… air always blows, but this was weird. I looked up. And what I saw was the craziest thing I’ve seen in a long, long, time.
There was a large- when I say large, I mean about as tall as the Empire State Building- and as wide- blue, pink, yellow- now that I think about it, every color I could think of except bright green. All the other greens were there- but there was no emerald green. The colors were assorted in slivers all over the bubble, all going from top to bottom. It looked like time zones on a globe. It was sort of transparent, so I could see what was rising inside: a 6 foot tall well-cut emerald.
This was the Downfall of Secrets, but it’s… well… going up! It’s the uprise of secrets! Not the Downfall!
But… couldn’t everyone see this? Couldn’t… well… other, normal people see this?
And then it came to me: the Downfall of Secrets was the revealing of a secret. And the emerald was the secret. And the secret- the secret is the one you are hearing now.
So I’m telling you this now, for the real truth- and do not believe what the U. S. Police are saying about the… the Downfall of Secrets.
Afterword
The New York Times
CRAZY BUBBLE AND EMERALD IN THE SKY
[INVESTIGATION STATUS]
“The crazy bubble was supposedly done by a pot-like man,” says Gregory McLean, reporting on the Washington Post. “When interviewed, the pot-like man, Gizzy Skyboard (a. k. a. Gazzilion) says, “It’s just a downfall! A downfall! A simple downfall!”
Detectives Frederick Johnson and Skath Skysta (a. k. a. the sky) report to office at the U. S. Police Department. “People are babbling about the sky being alive,” says Johnson. “And something about a talking pot,” says Skysta.
Still being investigated!
The Sky of the Start
Well, this was written to inform the people who missed out on the Downfall of Secrets! It wasn’t so bad, after all! Good bye! The noble man hath olde fun!