The Diary of a Cat with a Crazy Owner

by Leyla Bayraktar, age 9
The Diary of a Cat with a Crazy Owner Leyla is a nine-year-old writer who lives in New York. She has a dog named Hudson, and she used to have a cat named Sunny. She gave him away because her mom was allergic.

“Today was horrible! Why is Ernie the president? Oh, yeah, you can’t talk. You’re a mere diary. Sorry.”

Dear Diary,

Today, Ernie only gave me tuna. I hate tuna. And he made me play with a pink feather. I hate pink. Yeah, you guessed. Today was horrible! Why is Ernie the president? Oh, yeah, you can’t talk. You’re a mere diary. Sorry. Wait, can you talk? I really hope you can! But that’s going off subject. Anyways, Ernie also spilled chocolate on the floor. I thought he would pick me up and put me in his room (chocolate is poisonous) but he didn’t!

At least Cookie picked me up. I like Cookie. She’s really nice, and she plays with me. A lot. I really think Elmo should have given me to Cookie as a birthday present, not Ernie! Ernie is crazy. Period. He already was in five fights with Congress about him getting impeached, and he was elected last friday! Oops, gotta go. He’s calling me for dinner! I hope it’s salmon! Wait, it smells like socks. That can’t be good.

-Sunshine

***

Dear Diary,

Sorry I haven’t written in the last seventy-two hours. Ernie locked me in the bathroom after I went to use the litter box. At least I had a book called “Lego Friends,” and, of course, tap water to drink. But, it was really weird that in three days, he only used the servant bathroom, which is basically a tiny airplane bathroom, and that’s the only free bathroom. (I know what an airplane bathroom looks like because I went to Florida once.) All the dogs were hogging the other bathrooms. Thirty-three dogs, thirty-five bathrooms. For three days!

Ernie really is crazy, and all I could eat was face cream. Does Ernie really use that? It doesn’t seem to help. And, it was his bathroom, not his sister’s or anything. Anyways, enough about lotion. I’ve discovered that Ernie’s child, Cookie, rides in a stinky, yellow box on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I’ve heard Cookie complain to Ernie about the sanitation system at… what was it? Skool. Of course, Ernie assured her that if anyone had “the bug” at skool then he would sue the skool.

Then Cookie said, “But, Daddy, there is a nasty bug going around, and the teachers say everyone has it except for me. They say that I shouldn’t hug my friends, and do you know why? Because we wouldn’t want President Ernie getting sick! Ha! Is this we-”

Then Ernie interrupted and said that she had to go to skool, and, of course, Cookie complied. And then Ernie gave me green beans and rice for dinner, and he gave Cookie my canned chicken. He always mixed up dinner. That happened four thousand, two hundred and eighty-three times in my entire life, and I’m only five years old. Annoying, actually. Even though Cookie said that the skool’s sanitation system was horrible, I’d do anything to get out of this dump! And Cookie said the skool was co-ed, so, cats are welcome, I suppose! I always trust Cookie. Anyways, it’s time for breakfast. I actually want Ernie to mix up the food again. I love scrambled eggs.

-Sunshine

***

Dear Diary,

I finally found a way to go to school! I’m going to slip into Cookie’s backpack, and then stay there until the actual school day! I can’t wait for Cookie to get home, so I can show her the plan I wrote on her computer. I made two copies, and I attached one here…

 

Cookie!

I want to go to school with you! Can you call the principal and tell him or her that I want to apply? Thank you!

Sunshine

 

I actually found out that there is this cool thing called “AutoCorrect.” It tells you if you spelled something wrong. I finally found out that skool is spelled school! Cool, right? Although it seems like it’s pronounced “shool,” so I don’t know what to think. Anyways, I hope Cookie lets me go to school!

-Sunshine

***

Dear Diary,

Cookie was shocked to get the note, but she said I couldn’t go to school because cats don’t go to school. But I’m going anyway! I’m going to slip into her bag tonight, and the next day, she’ll take me to school! I have to go in the backpack, so, goodnight!

-Sunshine

***

Dear Diary,

Today was my first day of school! I love it. Everyone was surprised, but the janitor loves cats, so I posed as his cat! Awesome, huh? Anyways, my favorite subjects are humanities and math. I think science is okay, but it’s sorta scary. I’m afraid that a beaker will fall on me. Spanish is fun as well, but you have to speak. I’m excited for my next day!

-Sunshine

***

Dear Diary,

Today was my second day of school. I found out that there was something called homework. Super cool, right? Homework is basically when the teachers give you an assignment for you to do at home. Miss Clarks, our teacher, always puts the assignment on the desks. Today a student was at the bathroom at homework time so I stole his homework from the desk. Miss Clarks checked another time so she put homework on that kid’s desk! Ha! Sorry, gotta go. I want to finish my assignment before its due date. Can’t wait for tomorrow!  

-Sunshine

***

Dear Diary,

Why am I writing so early? Well, Cookie’s best friend, Ellie, found out that I was going to school, because she had every class with me. Then she told Cookie, and Cookie told me that I couldn’t go. After seeing how upset I was, Cookie told me that she would bring homework and teach me what she learned. The only bad thing is that Cookie is a very bad teacher. When I was reading, Cookie was teaching Ernie about butterflies. And then Ernie said he didn’t understand why butterflies had wings. Then Cookie threw the TV at Ernie. He had to go to the hospital. Cookie was grounded.

Anyways, I hope there’s nothing about actually talking in my Spanish homework, because I can only meow.

-Sunshine

***

Dear Diary,

Today, Ernie prepared dinner. He gave a burger to me, and raw shrimp to Cookie. I quickly munched up the burger while Cookie poked at her shrimp. Then, she asked me if she could have the burger. I jumped on the table and threw up on her plate. She excused herself and probably went to throw up herself.

-Sunshine

***

Dear Diary,

This is my last page, so I’m going to use it wisely. This is how I’m going to use it: My math homework!

 

Name: Sunshine                                                                                                                                             Date: 03/06/17

Addition Reflection         

Sammy had 35 cookies and 67 cupcakes. He gave Anna equal amounts of each sweet. Anna used to have 123  cookies and cupcakes. Now she has 147. How many cookies and cupcakes did Sammy give her?

Sammy gave Anna 12 cupcakes and 12 cookies.

34 + 89 = 123

97 + 23 = 120

45 + 56 = 101

37 + 68 = 105

71 + 89 =160

46 + 35 = 81

Make your own problem!

Cookie had one cat and 33 dogs. Cookie gave away ALL her dogs. How many pets does she have left?

P.S. If you’re stumped, the answer is one cat.

 

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