“Once upon a time, Little Timmy was walking back from the market when Old Man John ran around and said, ”ALIENS! ALIENS ARE COMING! WE ARE GOING TO DDDIIIEEE!!!””
Once upon a time, Little Timmy was walking back from the market when Old Man John ran around and said, ”ALIENS! ALIENS ARE COMING! WE ARE GOING TO DDDIIIEEE!!!”
Little Timmy ran into his house and cried, ”MOMMY, ALIENS, OLD MAN JOHN, HELP DDDIIEEE!!!”
His Mom walked in and said, “Little Timmy, Old Man John is kind of crazy.”
Little Timmy was not so sure. He walked out again and saw Old Man John, “THE END THE END OF THE WORLD!! INVASION!!! THE EEENNNDDDD!!!”
Little Timmy was reassured until a big, silver, circular ship came out of nowhere and landed right in front of him. Old Man John fainted. Then a door opened up on the side and an enormous slug came out. The slug opened its mouth and spoke, ”I come in peace and to warn you of the Slartegnorgs who intend to destroy the earth.”
Little Timmy was staring open-mouthed at the slug. ”I must return to my home planet, Querzbroximus, in order to warn the other planets that will be destroyed by the Slartegnorgs. I have arranged for you to get a ship and language translator that you can use to get around your planet to warn everyone of their upcoming destruction. Good day.”
And with that, slug guy slithered back into his ship. It flew away. Behind it he saw a miniature version of the slug ship. Little Timmy got in and it automatically lifted high in the air.
Little Timmy, having no education on how to fly a spaceship, pressed a few buttons and blew up the city beneath him. Then he pressed another button and was teleported all the way to a huge, green ship that was positioned to destroy Earth. A smaller ship came out of the large one and a loud voice spoke, ”Leave this inter-galactic quadrant or you will be obliterated by the Slartegnorgs.”
Timmy was scared, so he pressed as many buttons as he could reach. Nothing happened except that the chicken song started playing in an endless loop. The voice came back, ”Obliteration will commence in 19 laxative morlunar units.”
Just then, Timmy pressed a big red button and was ejected into space. Immediately a beam shot out of the large ship and drew him in. Then the lack of oxygen caused Timmy to faint.
Little Timmy woke up in an empty room with no door. The voice spoke again, ”You have trespassed onto the official Slartegnorg mobile space nebula, which is punishable by obliteration.”
“Don’t explodinize earth!” said Little Timmy.
“Earth has disobeyed the inter-galactic level four planet law 11397 that clearly states that you ‘cannot fish for whales on a hexaday.’ Their demise is scheduled in 27,426 laxative morlunar units. The obliteration has been clarified with the moolkstined palparite, although you will not live to see doomsday, because your obliteration is scheduled for 6 laxative morlunar units.”
Timmy did not understand a word of this, so he just sat in the room and waited. Half an hour later the voice said, ”Obliteration commencing. Obliterators engaging.”
Little Timmy heard two loud electric zaps and then mechanical whirring. Suddenly a hole in the roof opened up and two small red boxes fell inside of the room and immediately started to transform, first growing legs, then arms, then heads. They were both five feet tall and had blasters on their right arm.
Little Timmy, whose only thoughts were, ”red box monsters!” ran as far away from the robots as possible, which wasn’t that much. The obliterators followed, although slower. One obliterator used his gun to blast a large hole in the wall, right where Timmy was standing a second ago. The hole opened up into a large, crowded room that contained many robots who were pushing carts and a few five-foot tall green spiders who must have been the Slartegnorgs. Timmy ran into the room before the obliterators could do any more damage and blended into the crowd.
Nobody noticed Timmy as he ran around in the maze of creatures, avoiding the Slartegnorgs and the two obliterators. A voice came over the intercom, ”Pilots A113 and J965 report to landing station 4 in 2 laxative morlunar units.”
Immediately two orange robots, identical to the obliterators except orange and with two hands and not one, changed course and started moving towards a large door. Timmy decided to follow the pilots into the room. The landing station contained 16 of the small ships that Timmy had seen outside of the large one.
Quickly, Timmy ran and got into the ship that was closest to him. He got in the pilot’s seat, pressed a few buttons, blew up a few people, the door, and eight control panels. Finally, he got into the air and out into space.
Little Timmy traveled at lightspeed for a few minutes, until he found a large, blue planet. Timmy thought it was pretty so he pressed the button that he thought would take a picture, but instead found himself landing on the surface. There was a sign next to the place that he landed that said, “Warning space travelers. Ixrod is a level six planet and any species from a planet level four or lower will be imprisoned due to the statement of the moolkstined palparite.”
Little Timmy could not read so he ignored it. Around him were very tall buildings. Timmy was admiring them when sudden—”Your species is identified as human. You will be imprisoned in the Zoldolisk space quadrant.”
Timmy started pressing buttons and eventually escaped into space again. Timmy kept moving at lightspeed until he saw a large black circle, surrounded by spiraling debris. A meter on his ship said, “Black hole, disengage flight, do not enter.”
Too late, Timmy was out of control and pressing all the buttons. It was no use. Nothing happened except the ship pelted a life jacket out at high velocity. After lots of spiraling, Timmy fell into nothingness…
Suddenly a voice spoke, ”Emergency teleportation commencing.”
Then, his spacecraft teleported all the way back into the Slartegnorg ship. The Slartegnorgs were waiting.
“Your obliteration has been rescheduled. You have important information.”
“What do you mean?” said Timmy.
“You have accessed Ixrod. No Slartegnorg has entered that quadrant. Our access has been denied. Describe.”
“It’s blue and has large towers,” said Timmy.
“Describe,” it repeated.
“That’s it,” said Little Timmy.
“Description incomplete, obliteration will be continued.”
Suddenly, Little Timmy saw a green robot spray him and everything went dark.
Timmy woke up in a cell that was inside of a ship. He was next to another man in a separate cell. “Ixrod has been destroyed, your information is worthless. You will be obliterated.”
”Where am I going?” Timmy asked.
“That information is classified.”
Out of the window he saw a fleet of ships battling another fleet of ships. They were exploding equally fast. Suddenly a stray laser blasted the ship! It exploded, sending the two prisoners in different directions, out into space.
“Emergency air-shield activating.”
Suddenly a large, blue, but transparent force field encased the cell. Nothing happened for about an hour, but then he saw a large space satellite, circling a small, red planet. His cell was heading right towards it!
Ten minutes later his cell landed directly on the landing station. There were five robots in that room that were so caught up in their work that they didn’t even notice him. Finally, one did and let him out of the cell. Timmy quickly looked at the dock in search of a new ship. He found a particularly cool, red one, hopped in, pressed stuff, and was airborne.
“You have stolen gorlonflod property. Return it immediately or you will be arrested and trialed by the moolkstined palparite.”
Timmy did what he did best and didn’t listen.
He flew out into space incredibly fast so that the galactic police couldn’t catch him.
The next planet on his list was pink. He accidently blew it up. A few ships came out and chased him into another fleet of ships, then another and another!! There were ships from every planet that he’d harmed! They were all shooting at him!!! He pressed so many buttons, that he broke the galactic record! He managed to start flying at lightspeed, but saw that his energy meter was quickly running out. He hid behind a ship that was then destroyed by the pursuing aliens. More ships came out to capture him!
He finally pressed the teleport button. He was teleported to a large, silver planet with a red ring around it. When he landed, a sign said, “Welcome to the home planet of the ancient Moolkstined Palparite, the law-makers of the galaxy.”
Little Timmy thought it wasn’t written well so he blew it up. Immediately sirens sounded, so Timmy got out of the ship and ran into a large building. He got into an elevator and pressed all the buttons. 20 minutes later, he got to the top floor. He was in a small room. A voice said, ”You have entered the Spacecraft viewing station. To enter, state entrance password 22514635747894753.34728593.”
Little Timmy cried, ”Um, help I’m being chased and I need to get in!!”
Timmy didn’t understand what was going on, so he just ran through the gray door that opened up into a spaceship harbor. Timmy, who of course loved to take cool ships, got a blue one with long wings. He then flew off, back into space.
Timmy had gotten tired of traveling, so he decided to go back home. On the journey back in the direction that he randomly chose was home, he encountered the Slartegnorg fleet which was in battle and losing very quickly. Timmy started blasting at random and soon saw that there was one ship that was bigger than the rest. By now, it was the last one standing. The attackers were too far away to see, but they didn’t seem able to destroy the largest ship.
Timmy decided to blow it up himself, so he pressed the biggest red button that he could find. He launched a huge missile that must have took up half of the ship. It landed in the very center. KAABLLOOOSSSHHHH!!!!!!!!! It blew up.
Timmy was very happy as he flew around and pressed the button that (he thought) led him home…