Stupid Cow – A Play

by Owen Harris Sade, age 8, and Gabe Schierkolk, age 8
Stupid Cow – A Play Owen is a boy and he likes playing minecraft and pokemon.

“Oh I’ll catch both of you if it’s the last thing I do! Just let me get my electric pitchfork!”

 

Scene 1

Setting – A palace and a farm on Mars

 

HAIRY COW

I am a hairy cow

 

CUTE SQUIRREL

Aaah you will never catch us! We will stop you!

 

MARTIAN FARMER  

Oh I’ll catch both of you if it’s the last thing I do! Just let me get my electric pitchfork!

 

CUTE SQUIRREL  

Hold On.

 

HAIRY COW  

I don’t care.

 

MARTIAN FARMER

Oh yes, hold on indeed. I will be back in just a quick second.

 

HAIRY COW  

I need to use the bathroom

 

CUTE SQUIRREL  

I will hurt you! I will put cameras in his house and stalk him!!!

 

CUTE SQUIRREL  (cont.)

Oh no he is back! I am just finished.

 

MARTIAN FARMER  

All right now hold still, let me just knock you out a bit!

 

CUTE SQUIRREL

I will stop him!!!

 

MARTIAN FARMER  

No you can’t! You’re just a useless ratty little pipsqueak squirrel!!!

 

CUTE SQUIRREL

Sasy Gade! Dooo hooo!

 

HAIRY COW  

I want to be killed.

 

CUTE SQUIRREL  

You’re not smart at all!

 

MARTIAN FARMER jabs the cow with the electric pitchfork sending 2000 volts into his body. HAIRY COW faints.

 

CUTE SQUIRREL

I’m going in the barn!

 

He runs to the barn. Farmer runs after him into the barn, but can’t find CUTE SQUIRREL. SQUIRREL stalks him with his stalking device.

 

MARTIAN FARMER  

I will find you, you little rat.

 

CUTE SQUIRREL

Bukbuk!

 

MARTIAN FARMER  

Ha, got you, chicken!

 

HAIRY COW

So this is what it’s like to be dead.

 

CUTE SQUIRREL

You’re not dead.

 

MARTIAN FARMER  

What?!

 

HAIRY COW

Yes I am.

 

CUTE SQUIRREL

No you are not!

 

MARTIAN FARMER  

What?!

 

HAIRY COW

Yes I am!

 

CUTE SQUIRREL

No you are not!

 

MARTIAN FARMER  

Whatever.

 

HAIRY COW

Yeah whatever.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.