Scene 1
Setting – A palace and a farm on Mars
HAIRY COW
I am a hairy cow
CUTE SQUIRREL
Aaah you will never catch us! We will stop you!
MARTIAN FARMER
Oh I’ll catch both of you if it’s the last thing I do! Just let me get my electric pitchfork!
CUTE SQUIRREL
Hold On.
HAIRY COW
I don’t care.
MARTIAN FARMER
Oh yes, hold on indeed. I will be back in just a quick second.
HAIRY COW
I need to use the bathroom
CUTE SQUIRREL
I will hurt you! I will put cameras in his house and stalk him!!!
CUTE SQUIRREL (cont.)
Oh no he is back! I am just finished.
MARTIAN FARMER
All right now hold still, let me just knock you out a bit!
CUTE SQUIRREL
I will stop him!!!
MARTIAN FARMER
No you can’t! You’re just a useless ratty little pipsqueak squirrel!!!
CUTE SQUIRREL
Sasy Gade! Dooo hooo!
HAIRY COW
I want to be killed.
CUTE SQUIRREL
You’re not smart at all!
MARTIAN FARMER jabs the cow with the electric pitchfork sending 2000 volts into his body. HAIRY COW faints.
CUTE SQUIRREL
I’m going in the barn!
He runs to the barn. Farmer runs after him into the barn, but can’t find CUTE SQUIRREL. SQUIRREL stalks him with his stalking device.
MARTIAN FARMER
I will find you, you little rat.
CUTE SQUIRREL
Bukbuk!
MARTIAN FARMER
Ha, got you, chicken!
HAIRY COW
So this is what it’s like to be dead.
CUTE SQUIRREL
You’re not dead.
MARTIAN FARMER
What?!
HAIRY COW
Yes I am.
CUTE SQUIRREL
No you are not!
MARTIAN FARMER
What?!
HAIRY COW
Yes I am!
CUTE SQUIRREL
No you are not!
MARTIAN FARMER
Whatever.
HAIRY COW
Yeah whatever.