Nameless the Blameless & Congress

By Gabe Schierkolk, age 8
Nameless the Blameless & Congress

“Nameless the Blameless, now free, started wandering everywhere, and people pet him. He was fine since he was smart, but all of the stupid animals caused traffic or got run over.”

Bully Bob was bullying people when Farmer Rick caught him and brought him to the slaughtering room. Farmer Rick hung Bully Bob up by his legs and slit his throat and they made hamburgers, while Nameless the Blameless was watching.

Nameless could talk and had a cell phone. He banged his big cow cell phone, BANG BANG BANG and called Congress since he didn’t want any other cows to get slaughtered.

“Hey this is Congress,” his friend Congressman Daniel said.

“We need to stop slaughtering cows,” Nameless said.

“I’ll talk about it with other congressmen.”

They talked about it with Congress and they said YES. But the President said no and it was vetoed. So then, Nameless offered the President a limousine. And the President agreed.

But they needed another meat because people still wanted meat. Nameless told Congress to start slaughtering pigs, since everybody likes bacon. So they decided to have all of the pigs slaughtered.

But one smart pig, Jack, called his Congressman Daisy. They had a conversation about why Pigs shouldn’t get slaughtered. Daisy was a vegetarian, so she didn’t care about meat. But she cared about her friend Jack, so she decided to change it to start slaughtering chickens.

Everybody agreed, except the President who gave them another veto. They gave him a golf cart, because he liked golf carts. And it just kept on going on and on, until all of the animals except the smart animals, like Nameless the Blameless and Jack. They let all the cows go and didn’t keep them in cages anymore. It became a disaster, so Nameless said, “Why don’t we just have meat banned.”

So they banned meat.

The people started to protest that they wanted to eat meat. And then, the cows started to protest for everyone to be vegetarians. They were at the Capitol protesting and the guards came out and tried to stop everybody. They kept on going until everyone got tired. They forgot about meat. They barbecued vegetables instead and had tofu steak.

Nameless the Blameless, now free, started wandering everywhere, and people pet him. He was fine since he was smart, but all of the stupid animals caused traffic or got run over.

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