My Butt is on Fire

by Noa Horowicz-Mehler, age 8
My Butt is on Fire Noa is a vivacious and cheeky 8-year-old who enjoys story telling.

“There was a butt walking around, going to an audition. He opened the door, and there were 5,000 cherries and butts waiting. (Spoiler alert! The butt can resist fire!) He was last. But then, ten butts came behind him. Then, five cherries. Then, no more cherries and butts came. He was 16th to last. Finally, he got a turn.”

There was a butt walking around, going to an audition. He opened the door, and there were 5,000 cherries and butts waiting. (Spoiler alert! The butt can resist fire!) He was last. But then, ten butts came behind him. Then, five cherries. Then, no more cherries and butts came. He was 16th to last. Finally, he got a turn.

His line was, “My butt is on fire!”

He got the role of the butt who catches on fire and sings “My butt is on fire!” while doing it. He was the only butt among the 5,015 cherries and butts to get the role. He had the biggest party at home, and they all did their booty shakes.

The next day, he had his first practice. He walked onto the practice stage. He did the best job out of all of the crew! He did the second, the third, the fourth, the fifth practice.

It was the big night. All the butts and cherries sat down on the butts’ and cherries’ seats. The cherries sang “La la la!” Then, he came on.

They threw fire on him and then he sang, “My butt is on fire!! La la la!!!” He had done the best job in his first ever show!

He did the second, third, fourth, fifth shows, and then he was all over the news. He was a professional. He had entered the sixth show, and he was already a professional. But he wanted to do the biggest show in Butt and Cherry Land. He walked in. There were ten contestants. He was the eleventh.

He sang, “Lalalala-eee!

He left the place.

He said, “I totally messed that up. I totally messed that up. I totally messed that up!”

The next day, he got the callback. Dun dun dun. He did not get the part. He was crying with his face on top of his buttcrack, too sad to look up, too sad to make a smile. He felt like he was nothing. He went home and plopped on his bed. Even though it was the middle of the day, he took his blankie and went to bed.

He snored. It sounded like pigs snorting and then “pupupupu.

The next day, he tried to get into the same show, but someone had already gotten his part. There were no parts left. Poor him! He was a very sad butt, cooking with his cherry best friend. He never looked happy again. But one day, he was the first person to hear that the person who got his old part singing, “My butt is on fire!” had been fired. For real.

He had gotten the job for once in a long time.

 

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