There once was a monster who lived in the woods. We’ll call him Monster. What Monster really wanted was a house, but he was just too shy to go to the house seller. Monster wanted a house because he lives in the woods. But why was Monster so shy? Maybe because he lived in the woods so long that fungus grew on his toes, moss on his back, and a mushroom on his nose, and he was scared to show his face in public. Or maybe he needed a friend to encourage him. Anyway, onto the story!
Monster sat on his stump, wondering if he would go to the house seller today. No, I can’t! They’ll tease my mushroom nose! He thought. Sigh. So then Monster gathered up all his courage (he didn’t have that much) and he went over to the gate to the human world. When he got to the gate, he felt something under his foot. He picked it up in his giant fingers. It was a glass bottle, with glowing liquid inside! Great, this liquid might make me less shy! Monster thought with a smile. So he went back to his cave and placed the liquid on his stump table. Tomorrow, Monster thought, I will be social.
The next day, Monster woke up with a jolt. He was so excited to drink the pink liquid! He was shaking with excitement! And maybe also fear. Monster went to the kitchen of his cave and popped the top off the bottle. He went to drink it, hand quivering. Just as he had it up to his mouth and went to take a sip, a crow flew into the window and cawed. Monster’s hand shook so that all the liquid spilled onto the mushroom on his nose! No! The liquid! Now Monster couldn’t be social! Monster sighed. He went back into his moss-bed and fell into a deep sleep. He dreamed of wizards and dancing mushrooms. Then he woke up. Phew, just a dream, Monster thought. He got up and went to the river to get the extra pink juice off his nose. When he looked at his reflection in the river, he didn’t see anything missing at first, but then he noticed it. His face went pale. His nose mushroom was gone.
Monster kept touching the spot where the once red-with-white-spots mushroom was. Then the water rippled. Probably one of those birds, Monster thought. He looked up to shoo it away, and saw the most unbelievable thing. His nose mushroom. “Mushroom?” he said to the mushroom. Then, like it was alive, the mushroom jerked its cap up and hopped away. Luckily, Monster was faster. He caught the mushroom in his big hands and took it back to his cave. Hmm, Monster thought, I can have a big meal if I cook him! So then Monster decided to tie the mushroom up and cook him over a fire. Then Monster went out to get some berries as an appetizer. But then something poked his butt. Monster spun around, ready to attack, but it was the mushroom! He touched Mushroom’s cap and she hopped around playfully. Then Monster felt a pang of guilt. He tried to cook Mushroom, just so he could eat. No, he would not feel sad for this mushroom. Monster would just ignore it. Monster marched back to his cave. Mushroom followed. “Just leave me alone, ya dirty mushroom!” Monster shouted at the mushroom. Mushroom hopped away sadly. Great, Monster thought sarcastically, now I have nothing to eat. Monster saw Mushroom peek around the corner of his cave. “I told you, GET OUT!” Monster roared at Mushroom. Mushroom hopped closer. Monster got madder and madder. He roared at Mushroom, then Mushroom started hopping away, quickly. Monster dropped down on all fours and chased him. They were nearing the cliff. Perfect. Monster thought. Then right when Mushroom was about to fall off the cliff, she doubled back. Monster fell off the side and was being held only by a branch that was growing out of the cliff. Then, crack, the branch broke. Monster closed his eyes and braced for the fall onto the sharp, jagged rocks below. But when he landed on something, it didn’t perce his skin. It was bouncy. It was Mushroom! Monster bounced back up to the cliffside, and somehow, he found Mushroom there. Mushroom was magical! Monster reached out and touched Mushroom’s cap. It was soft as silk. Then together, they went and got food so they could have a decent meal.
The next day, Mushroom jumped up and down on Monster, urging him to get up. “What? I’m up,” Monster groaned. Mushroom had something on her cap. She slid it over to Monster. It was a small book. Then Mushroom slid over a black stick. Monster picked it up. It was shiny. He opened the book and put the strong black stick onto the paper and slid it around. Wherever the stick went, it made a line. Mushroom took the pen from Monster and used magic to write three letters: pen. “Is that what the stick is called? A p-pe-pehn?” Monster asked, sounding out the word. Mushroom jumped up and down. Monster took that as a yes. But why would Mushroom give me these magical objects? Monster thought. Then it hit him. He could draw a house! Then show it to the house seller because the humans spoke a different language! “Thank you, Mushroom!” Monster exclaimed.
Mushroom jumped around in response, as if to say, “You’re welcome.”
Monster drew a house, with a tall roof. It took him three hours, but he finished eventually. Here is what he did:
Monster took the paper and Mushroom followed. Monster walked over to the human world gate, his heart thumping. Ba bump, ba bump. Mushroom followed him, her hopping making little sound on the damp moss. Slowly, Monster opened the gate. Creeeeeak, it went. Monster stepped through the gate and into the portal. It felt like he was being stretched out and cut up, then being put back together. Mushroom followed, having the same experience. Then the feeling started to slow down, and Monster got plopped down on land. Mushroom bumped on Monster’s leg being shot out. Monster looked down at Mushroom, she was jumping around like crazy. “Calm down, Mushroom. I’m excited too,” Monster said calmingly. Mushroom slowed down. She tilted her cap up at him. Monster got filled up with hope. Monster strided over to the house seller, not noticing the stares from the people around him. He gathered up all his courage (he had a lot) and, with a shaking hand, he handed the house seller the picture. A crow flew onto the fence behind the house seller. It cawed. Monster shooed it away. “You don’t scare me,” Monster hissed at the crow. The house seller understood the drawing. He said something quickly in human and started walking to a giant metal container on black tree stumps. It looked like this:
The house seller walked inside and took out what Monster knew as a “unicycle.” Then the house seller hopped on his unicycle and started moving. He gestured for Monster and Mushroom to follow. Monster picked up Mushroom in his giant hands so she wouldn’t slow them down. Monster followed the house seller until they made it to a giant house. Monster put Mushroom down and walked inside. The ceilings were 4 feet above his head! Great! There was a black box, too. The house seller walked inside and picked up a shiny, black piece of bark. But it wasn’t bark, and the box wasn’t a box. “Television. Tv,” the house seller said, pointing to the box. Monster repeated,
“Tellyvision. Tv.”
The house seller pointed to the shiny bark. “Remote,” he said.
Monster repeated again, “Reemote.”
The house seller shrugged and mumbled something in human. It sounded like “cloz enuf.” Monster ignored it. He said in the closest human he could put on,
“Mi wan hous.” The house seller put a sign outside that said with bold red letters “SOLD.” Monster knew that the house was his.
“WOOHOO, Mushroom!” Monster exclaimed, and he started dancing. Mushroom started dancing too. They danced for hours together, then went inside to enjoy their new life.
EPILOGUE
Monster sank back into his chair. He tried to press the tiny buttons on the reemote, but his fingers were too big. “Mushroom? Can you help me press the reemote buttons?” Monster called. Mushroom angrily hopped in the tv room. She was levitating a toothbrush with half-used toothpaste on it. “Mu — what? Why are you using a toothbrush? You don’t even have teeth!” Monster exclaimed. Mushroom angrily hopped over and pressed the “on” button for the tv. As she hopped back to the wetroom (we know this as a bathroom), Monster saw on the back of her cap she had used toothpaste all over it. Then Monster had an idea. He went to the feedingroom and took a prong-tip. Then he took it back to the tv room. He used the holding-side to press the reemote buttons, and the prongs to brush through his fur. Monster leaned back in his chair and sighed. He lived an amazing life now.