Mommy, He Slapped Me!!!

by Henry Melmed, age 9
Mommy, He Slapped Me!!! Henry likes hockey, and he likes baseball. He has three really annoying younger brothers.

“Once upon a time a girl slapped me. I started crying, and I peed my pants. I told the teacher and she said, ‘As long as I get my vacation and get paid, I don’t care.'”

Once upon a time a girl slapped me. I started crying, and I peed my pants.

I told the teacher and she said, “As long as I get my vacation and get paid, I don’t care.”

After school, I went to my mommy, and I started crying and making no sense.

And she said, “What did you just say?”

I explained it, and she said, “Who did this?! Give me a name! Give me his address! Give me his parole officer’s number!”

I said, “Jeez, take it easy, all she did was make a purple mark on my face.”

“We have to call the doctor! Wait a minute, why did the boy slap you?”

“Um… a girl slapped me.”

“Why did she slap you?”

“Because I said she was a pee-pee head, and I put poo-poo on her doggie.”

My mommy was very, very red. She was so red, she looked like a tomato. And then she realized she forgot to go to the grocery store. She said she’d be right back, first she had to go to the grocery store. Then, my daddy came home after she went to the grocery store.

I said, “Daddy, someone slapped me.”

“Who slapped you? I’m going to go up to his dad and whip his dad in the face.”

“Um… Daddy? A girl slapped me.”

“Son! I am very embarrassed to have a son who was beat up by a girl!”

“But Daddy! It’s not my — ”

“I don’t want to hear no buts. You are going to your room for the night, and don’t come out. I will feed you bread and water for dinner. Oh, and son, you’re not getting your bed tonight, you’ll sleep on a stone bed.”

“Can I at least get my Teddy-Beddy?”

“No, you cannot get your Teddy-Beddy!”

The next day, my dad secretly spied on me to see if the girl was there. Then he saw the girl. She started slapping and slapping me, and hung me on a tree by my underwear. My dad took a video of the girl doing this to me and sent it to the principal, and she got lifetime detention. Eventually, the next day, a hobo came and found me.

He said, “Hundred dollars and I get you down.”

“Fine.”

When I got home, my dad asked, “How was school today, son?”

I said, “It was fine. Someone reported the girl to the principal, and she got life detention.”

“How about tomorrow you go find her and punch her.”

She came to school the next day with a black eye, but she had lifetime detention.

I asked her, “How did you get the black eye, Taylor?”

“My older brother was told to punch me by some guy in a suit. He was wearing a doctor thing.”

“What kind of doctor thing?” I asked.

“It was from Scabbards.”

“Oh, my dad works at Scabbards.”

“Do you think it could have been your dad?”

“No, not in a million years.”

But it was. After our talk we realized, why be mad at each other? I felt that my dad was the one who did it. We became friends.

 

The End

 

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