Hi. My name is Lemon, I am a human-sized noodle, and I live in the forest in a tent. It is very cozy here. The ticks only get to me at night, and in the morning, I bathe in the tub of horse poop to get the ticks off. It is beautiful here. Paradise. There are many animals here too. The leader of the animals, the doroo, is a cross between an alien dog and a kangaroo. There is a rumor, though, that the doroo is secretly controlled by a flattened person made greedy by human towns which has a magic dynamite stick that never runs out. Usually, I just stay in my tent and roast hotdogs over an indoor campfire. (Don’t ask me how that works.) Sometimes though, I do wish that I had better peace with the animals. Whatever.
I heard the animals partying tonight. I decided I was gonna sneak out and watch them. Totally not stalking them or anything. You know. Noodles can do whatever they want. Anyway, I flopped out to where the party was happening. Then I realized, it was a full out video game party with fortnite and Roblox hacking and arcade games. I was so jealous! Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my special gloves, which enable me to have hands. I snuck back out to my tent, but when I was doing the worm back home, a giraffe doing the OJ with a thanos suit turned around and screamed. Everyone looked. Then, all at once, the animals said,
“awww…… it’s a noodle!”
Everyone thought my tiny eyes and face were so cute, and one was about to invite me to the party when the doroo came running forth! It pushed me back and said,
“Go away, you stupid nudle!” He shut the gates to me and drove
all the animals away. The animals slowly walked away, grumbling, and looking back. I couldn’t believe it! I had almost made friends with the animals, but the doroo pushed me away. I had gotten so close, but all because of noodleism, I failed. I decided once and for all that I was gonna convince that doroo that I was worthy!
I flopped back to my tent and started making plans about how I was either going to destroy the doroo or convince him. Then I remembered the rumor that I heard about the stickman. Maybe if I could either kill him or convince him, or either become friends with him, he could command the doroo to like me! I’m such a genius. I decided that becoming friends with him would be more comfortable. (Because I didn’t want to see guts.) I realized that he was greedy, too. I could go back to town, put on a human suit, and get a job. Then, I could make money, buy something he would like, and convince him to become friends. I smiled. I had a perfect plan. I wrote it all down, and went to sleep, dreaming of fortnite parties.
The next day, I woke up really early and crept over to the animal’s dens. I found the giraffe I saw the past day and woke him up.
“HEY! YOU’RE THE-”
I quickly shushed him. I asked him,
”Are the rumors true? Does the doroo really have an owner?”
“Yup. I’ve seen him. He’s cruel and greedy, too. Pretty sure he was made greedy by his friends and family. The whole family is crazy. He’s also selfish and hates anything different then a male rich human. That’s why he has tortured the doroo.” Perfect! I asked, “What does the man like?”
The giraffe sighed.
“This is going to sound really weird… Ok… he really loves chili… with bits of gold in it.”
The giraffe turned green. He turned to me and said,
“Why do you want to know? You made me sick.”
I grinned.
“You’ll see!”
I snuck out a different way than I came and went back to my house. I equipped my special gloves and a human suit. A long time ago, I had found a resúme buried in the forest, so I grabbed that, too. I also had a business suit and a driver’s license lost in the woods, so I took it down to the river and washed it. Then, I set out for the nearest town. Since my resume’s previous owner was under baking, I found a tiny bakery that looked small enough to not get too complicated, but not to small that I would have to handle a lot. I walked in and requested a job, and a small, mustached stereotypical baker walked toward me. He didn’t even try to reschedule me. (I had no experience in this topic, and clearly the other didn’t either.) He didn’t even question me, for a job review, or anything. He simply said,
“You’re hired!”
Wow, I thought to myself. This guy knows nothing. I didn’t even have to show my resume!
I asked, smiling, “What do I have to do?”
“You’re the cashier!” Then he ran to the back. I put down my stuff, grabbed a baker’s hat, (which made me look ridiculous) and sat down. Wait! I ran to the back and yelled,
“What’s my salary?”
He yelled back, “Oh, I don’t know, ten bucks an hour?”
I almost jumped up and started dancing. Amazing! This guy knows nothing! Then I ran back to the cashier, found a book in the drawer, and started reading.
I couldn’t believe my luck. This guy, who knows nothing (but managed to run a small bakery), was giving me an unbelievable salary. No one came the whole day. I was happy as ever. I had earned eighty bucks by sitting and doing nothing for a day! I went home, awkwardly walking in my human suit, and had hotdogs for dinner and a few pieces of lettuce I had found. I went to sleep now dreaming of dancing with a polar bear.
The next day, I happily skipped over to civilization. It was a long walk of course, and it seemed that I had forgotten to bathe in horse poop, because everywhere I went, people were fainting at my sight. It seemed weird, though. Why would people be fainting at my sight? I’m not that ugly. At least, that’s what I thought. One even tried to call the cops on me. I did a front flip and knocked the phone out of his hand. That’s when I realized, I forgot to put on my human suit. I was in noodle form, and everyone saw it!
I ran/flopped back to my tent and hid. Then, I put on my human suit and business suit and walked in town on a different pathway than I would usually take. I calmly walked to work, (not really, kinda awkwardly because it’s a suit.) I walked to work, settled down, and convinced myself I just had to bounce back. Then, my worst fear struck. Someone walked in!
I awkwardly stood up and said,
“H-h-hello. How may-y I help yo-u-u?” I stuttered.
She looked at me awkwardly and said, “Uh… Can I have an 8 by 8 ice cream cake?”
I responded, “Sure!! Uh.. Yea… um… Coming right up?”
I looked through the shelves with a ruler and found the one she was looking for. I carefully took it out, almost dropped it, and gave it to her.
“Uh… can I… have a box?” Ugh! I’m so stupid.
“Sure!” I responded nervously.
I then decided this was going to be my last day. Forget about saving up. It’ll take too much time. I’ll steal the money I need from the bank!
I decided I would finish this week instead, quit, and then I would have enough money to buy a concentrated laser to break in. And maybe a tiny screwdriver. Just in case. No more customers came by. Lucky me. I just pulled out the book I had been reading and continued to suffer from boredom. Soon enough, I got bored with reading and thought about what I would do with the animals. I should help with the fortnite parties. I started to design my bedroom there. I’ll definitely have a comfy bed. And what should my blanket be made out of? Maybe some wolf skin. Oh, and also I would have a secret stash of food and hotdogs under my bed.
The last days of work went by in a haze. I guess the baker only had enough money because the previous women bought a super expensive cake. He was still paying me, though. Finally, when the day came, Friday, no other customers had arrived. And I fatefully walked to the baker. The baker turned to me and frowned. “Mĺ amor, Mĺ amor, 😑I have something to- “
I interrupted, “No. I have something to tell you. I’m ending my shift. I would like to have my money now?”
He sighed (Again) and turned around, grabbed something, and then turned around back to me and handed me the 400 bucks. Then he (started to) say, “I am so sorry, but-” I interrupted. Again.
“Nope. I’m quitting! Baiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Sucks to suck!”
The color drained from the poor baker’s face. I wanted to feel bad, but I didn’t. I smiled. “Thank you! Have a nice day.” I tried to skip out, but I fell. I quickly got up again, slowly walked out, not looking back.
I walked home, took off my human & business suit, and put my money on my table. I decided that as a treat to myself for enduring those terrible five days, I would sneak up to the animal’s den, visit the giraffe, and steal his food. He would probably let me, anyway. I flopped out and crept over to the giraffe’s room. I let myself in, but he wasn’t there. I took some of his leaves to make myself a salad and flopped out. I was so tired from my day that I didn’t really have any more thoughts. I flopped out of the den, cut across the grounds, straight through the feeding grounds, where everybody was…
The giraffe was the first to spot me, but he quickly looked back so no one would see him. But then, a rhino spotted him looking back and screamed,
“LOOK! IT’S TH- ”
But she must’ve realized screaming that would alert the doroo, so she stopped. But it was too late. The doroo turned around, his face full of rage. He started galloping towards me, but I started running earlier. I ran half a mile farther than my tent, zig-zagging the whole way. Finally stopping for breath, I looked behind me, and realized I had lost him! I dragged myself back to my tent, and found my money, sitting safe and sound on my table. I dragged myself to sleep and decided I would buy the equipment tomorrow, and pull the heist in two days.
The next day, I woke up and flopped out. My whole body was hurting from the sprint yesterday, so I had to slowly drag myself out. My business suit was wrinkled, so I didn’t wear it today. I would just wear my human suit with leaves covering my thing. I dragged myself to the town (quite literally) and walked to where the rumors said there was a black market. The sign said it was a window store, so I walked in, and a man in a business suit was standing by another steel door. He looked me up and down, then asked me,
“What did you come here to buy?”
I answered truthfully. “I wanna buy a concentrated laser and a hammer, ok? Why are you questioning me in the first place?”
I tried to sound like a criminal, and apparently, it worked. He handed me a shirt and pants and opened the door.
He said, “Lasers in aisle 4. Hammers down aisle 5. Bathroom to the right. Please change.” I was a bit offended.
I answered scornfully, “Jeez, you didn’t have to be so rude.”
I walked in, went to the bathroom, tried to put on a shirt and pants for 45 minutes, then decided I was just going to take the human suit off, dress the human outfit, and then put the human suit back on. I took the human suit off and put on the shirt. As soon as I was about to put on the pants, a man walked in. I realized I had forgotten to lock the door!
The man looking at me was a scrawny, not-very-well-bathed, and freckled criminal. (At least, he looked like a criminal.) He had all red clothes and a ratty face. He smelled like a rat, too. Instead of freaking out, he smiled at me.
“Well, well, well. Look at what we have here. The famous living noodle! I didn’t know he was a criminal!” I nodded, afraid. “You know, I could turn you into the museum, and you would just be an exhibit. I’d get lots of money for turning you in. Would you like that?” I backed up, shaking my head.
“How about this. You help me with a robbery, I get 8/10ths of the money, and you get 2/10ths. I provide you with all the materials you need, and I don’t turn you in. Deal?” I nodded.
I answered, “Um, it can actually be said by 4/5ths, a-and 1/5th?”
His face filled with rage and embarrassment.
“sHuT uP. DEAL, or NO DEAL!”
Honestly. Didn’t seem like I had another choice. The criminal asked me,
“Can you make yourself small enough to fit inside my backpack?”
Actually, I did have that talent when I was younger. I could curl myself up in a ball.
I answered, “A-a-actua-aly, I’m not sure.”
He answered rudely,
“Well then, TRY IT!”
He yelled at me. Ok. He’s rude. Right. Well, duh. He’s a criminal. He threw me his backpack, and I jumped in it. I starting to curl up. It worked! Here we go!
I curled up in his backpack, and he zippered it up, only leaving a little hole to breathe. I could only hear muffled talking, and then I felt movement. I believe we were moving towards the bank. Then, the backpack started moving upwards, then a little downwards. Very nauseating. I assumed we were going upstairs, and then we entered a little darker place and noisy place, (presumably the bank) because the light dimmed inside the backpack. I could feel us walking, then slipping through a doorway, then, out of nowhere, it becomes quiet. Then, light floods the bag, and I am lifted out. We are in a tunnel with a bunch of bank vaults on each side.
“This is a robbery, stupid. Not a sightseeing tour.”
I focused my attention back to the criminal, who was glaring at me. I answered, “Jeez, sorry! I’ve just never been here before.” He answered, “Well, now you have. C’mon, let’s start this thing.”
I followed him to the particular bank vault he was looking for. Then, he knelt and put something in my earhole. (I have holes for ears.) I thought he was going to kiss me for a second. He was so close. Then, he said,
“This is a Wi-Fi sound transmitter, meaning you’ll be able to talk to me wherever you are.”
I touched the thing in my ear.
I responded, “Cool!”
The only thing that wasn’t cool was that the other man was so close to me, that the echo was so strong.
He said to me, “Now. Go sneak in there and rob!” Actually, it was a lot easier then I had thought it was. The criminal had brought a portable gas burner, so he boiled me, so I became thin. I slipped into the vault-like nobody’s business- and opened the vault door from the inside. The criminal stepped in and smiled. “You’ve done well, noodle.” He said to me. I answered,
“Of course I’ve done well.” He said,
“Now, could you wait outside for me to finish and keep a lookout?” I answered cheerfully,
“Of course!” I curled up outside, and the next thing I knew, I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in a cage, in what looked like to be a museum. I had been tricked!
I slammed myself against the cage, but it didn’t budge, all while the criminal was looking at me, smiling devilishly. I couldn’t bear to look at him. He had tricked me! I trusted him, and he tricked me. I could see the museum staff putting up plaques all over my cage and brushing it up. Since I would be living here for the rest of my life. That night, I curled up at the edge of the cage and fell asleep. I had had no food that day. At least the cage was cozy. Not as intimate as my tent, though. I fell asleep, dreaming of nothingness.
I woke up at 2:45 am. Some weird noise woke me up. I rose up and, to my surprise, I saw the flattened stickman, with the same concentrated laser I was going to buy at the so-called window store! He was making a hole in the glass, big enough for me to get out. I almost jumped up into the air and started dancing and singing, but then I remembered how the rhino blew my cover by being loud, so I shushed myself. By then, the stickman had finished making the hole. I hopped out and hugged him. He smiled and said,
“I’m sorry I had to do this to you. You were a noodle, not an animal, and I am afraid of anything different than me except for animals. I wasn’t letting you in because I was scared that you would give away our secret. I wanted to let you in, but I was scared. We have been watching you the whole time. And now, you have proven your loyalty. You can join our band. Oh, and by the way, I told the giraffe to tell you those rumors, to see if you would still come. And I don’t torture my doroo.”
I was shocked by what he had said. I didn’t know what to say, so I told the one word to describe this whole thing… I smiled at him and said: “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!”
The stickman smiled and responded, “The sound of it is something quite atrocious!”
We skipped back to the den, (He jumped, I walked). All the animals were happy to see that I had been allowed to join. We celebrated and danced until our legs gave out. (For me, it was just until I got tired, because I didn’t have legs). They gave me they a super comfy bed to sleep, and when I went to sleep, I didn’t have to dream of fortnite parties, because I knew they were going to happen.
We skipped back to the den, (He jumped, I walked). All the animals were happy to see that I had been allowed to join. We celebrated and danced until our legs gave out. (For me, it was just until I got tired, because I didn’t have legs). They gave me they a super comfy bed to sleep, and when I went to sleep, I didn’t have to dream of fortnite parties, because I knew they were going to happen.
The End.