“The day my mom sued the school was AWESOME! Well, for me, awesome, but for her, ‘terrible.’ I mean it’s not like I meant to tick the bully off so much that he headbutted me!”
The day my mom sued the school was AWESOME! Well, for me, awesome, but for her, “terrible.” I mean it’s not like I meant to tick the bully off so much that he headbutted me! But anywho, I haven’t been to school since because my dad is who-knows-where (my mom won’t tell me a single fact about him) and my mom is a president of a perfume company, so that means I’m left alone at home 24/7 and 365 days a year.
You’re probably thinking, Woah!! Awesome! But no. I would DIE just to go to school because, one day, I saw my old friend, and I asked what were they learning at school, and they said some math problem I didn’t know. My friend asked if I knew. I stuttered. I actually didn’t know. I dashed down the street, sad and left behind that I wasn’t as smart as them.
But it’s okay. Being home alone is awesome because I get to watch TV, eat oreos, and play on my 3DS. Which is a kid HEAVEN!!! Oh, and where are my manners? I’m Flynn Watters, a nine-year-old kid born on March 3rd, 2008.
“Flynn! Bye, honey, I’m leaving!” says my mom.
“Yeah. Bye, Mom!” I say.
I’ll note this to you: Mom says bye, fun comes by. So when she shuts the door, what I do is: go upstairs, get my 3DS, come back down, get oreos from the cupboard, sit on the couch, get a blanket, and then turn on Netflix!
“Oh. My. Gosh!! Yes!! Yessss! Wait. NO. Nooooo!!!” I shout.
Sorry, just anime excitement, but yeah that’s how I spend my days of the year. Oh! And obviously I nap! But sometimes, I go out. I mean, just to see all the other houses in Haystack Court which, by the way, is my small, little neighborhood where all the houses make a semi-circle. It’s cute, and my life is cute and calm, but that all changed.
Okay, so my mom came home one night, and I was eating a microwaved cup of noodles when she walked in.
“Mind if I talk to you?” said Mom.
“Um. it’s a free country, so yes,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“Okay, so I noticed you’ve been a little droopy and sad. Why?” Mom said.
“Umm?” I said, playing dumb.
“Is it because you don’t go outside much?”
Okay, BIG decision. I’d either admit it, because I want to go to school, or lie and agree that I don’t get outside much. I lied.
“Yeah, I just want to go outside,” I said.
“Okay. So this Saturday, I’ll take you to the beach,” Mom said, smiling.
That was easy.
OH MY GOSH! My mom was GIDDY!! She jumped around, cleaned, and got the stuff in the car.
“Ready?” said my mom, poking her head through the screen door.
“YES!!! Oh my gosh, you asked me that, like, 30 times!!!” I said.
My mom shut the door. I got a towel and walked to the car. I hopped in, wondering if this was a good idea after all. The drive was LONG! But, finally we were here. I stepped out of the car and dashed to the ocean.
“Hello, fish!!” I said, screaming as I jumped in the water.
I played in the water for an hour or two. Then mom called me and said that we were going to the boardwalk. We got cotton candy and hotdogs and everything was swell until… we got back to the beach.
I was playing in the sand, and I saw my mom peeking looks at a man with a woman. It was strange because it looked like the two people were being flirty. And get this! The man went down on his knees and PROPOSED!!! But that’s not the strangest part: My mom walked over to the people and interrupted the guy, who was proposing, and scolded him!!! And the guy called me over. Mom’s face said stay back because this wouldn’t go good. But I went over anyway.
“Heyyyy, Flynn!” He said.
“Um, do I know you?” I said.
Look, I know he’s nice, but he’s a stranger!
“Flynn, he’s your dad,” said my mom.
I fainted into a big, sandy mess.
Ow, my life hurts. A LOT!
Okay, you’re probably thinking, WHAT?! Okay, I’ll explain.
It turned out my dad and my mom divorced right after I was born. I was left at home with a nanny, named Juidel, who was from the Philippines. But then, one day, Mom sat me down and taught me how to stay at home alone because Juidel left for the Philippines. And for, like, two years after school, I would come home and just be home alone. But that changed when I ticked off that bully.
And now I’m sitting at the dining room table with my mom, my dad, and my dad’s girlfriend/wife (she said yes! And he went to Jared) Brenda.
“Why would you divorce?!” shouted my mom.
“WELL, you became a total different woman!!!” shouted my dad.
And it went on like that for 20 minutes. And get this! Throughout the whole thing, Brenda was staring into space!!!
But soon, things got a little language-y because my mom said some words NOT child approved.
“Flynn, go upstairs. Oh, and your dad asked if you want to help them move their stuff to their new house,” said my mom.
“Sure,” I said.
Today was hot, and I walked down the street with my dad, holding big, brown boxes.
“Ey, champ, wanna get ice cream?” said my dad, like he was in those ‘grain berry’ ads.
“Sure,” I said, keeping my cool.
So we stopped in front of the deli. I picked out a king cone, and my dad got an ice pop. We sat on a bench and ate in silence.
“Well, we better hurry. Your mom’s gonna overreact if we’re late,” said my dad.
Oh, I forgot to tell you my dad is moving into Haystack Court. I KNOW!!! He probably did that just to annoy Mom or because the houses in Haystack Court are RICH!!!
After that, we walked home, and I saw my dad’s new house. He said I could move my stuff in to make my own room.
Then I said bye to Dad and Brenda, who was on snapchat. I walked into my house, and my mom practically lunged at me.
“Honey!!! Guess what!” said my mom.
“Umm, you bought your Fitness4U treadmill?” I asked sarcastically.
“NO. I found this flyer in the main desk, and it’s a history report contest! And the main prize is an application to Berkman Elementary!!!” said my mom.
“Ohh my goshhh!” I screamed.
“I know! So I entered you!” said my mom.
“Okay, but what history thing should I do?” I said.
“Well, I made you do World War I,” said my mom.
I rolled my eyes. That’s gonna be EASY!
After a month of researching, it was time for the report. I was in the car, driving to the community center, where the event is happening.
“OOH! We’re here!” said my mom.
We walked inside, and a lady gave me a number slip. I was number six. A lot of the reports were good, but now, it was my time. I’m not gonna say my report, but it went like this…
“Blah, blah, drone, drone, gabble, gabble.”
I know! So detailed! Ohhh lord. The lady was announcing the runner ups.
“In third place… Lisa McGuckin! Here is your coupon to Ben and Jerry’s!” said the announcer.
“And in 2nd place… Tom Baloush! Here is your master pass to the Museum of Natural History!!” she said.
“And in 1st place… the kid who gets the application to Berkman is… Flynn Watters!!” she said.
OHMYGOSH! I WON! I WON!!! I stepped up and took the paper.
After the event, my mom hugged me, and my dad congratulated me, and Brenda was on Twitter. Goodbye, lazy Saturdays! Hello, Busy mondays!