I Would Rather be Crushed by a Bowling Ball Than go to School

by Kiran, age 10
I Would Rather be Crushed by a Bowling Ball Than go to School Kiran likes to write realistic fiction. One of his favorite books is "Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Double Down." When he's not reading or writing, he likes to think about books. He doesn't have a favorite food.

“Guess who’s back!” says Mr. Petey in a thundering voice. “So today, we have a bit of light classwork. You have 1,000 pounds of classwork and 100,000 pounds of homework, so this should be an easy day for you.”

“Hello class,” says Ms. Johnson.

Oh hello, I’m James. I’m at school now. Usually, people hate this school. You will know why.

“Everyone, say hello to Mr. Petey,” says Ms. Johnson.

“Guess who’s back!” says Mr. Petey in a thundering voice. “So today, we have a bit of light classwork. You have 1,000 pounds of classwork and 100,000 pounds of homework, so this should be an easy day for you.”

“Wow, you are loud,” says a kid.

“Ten hours of after-school detention for you!” yells Mr. Petey. “What are you waiting for? Work!”

Soon, another kid asks, “Mr. Petey, may I please go to the bathroom?”

“No bathroom talk in class. Five hours of detention for a whole month!” says Mr.Petey.  

After the agonising class, I go to lunch. In the hallway, the principal barks, “No colorful lunchboxes! Three hours of detention for you, and no more home lunch for you for three months!”

Then, the principal snatches my lunch box and walks away.

I walk into the lunchroom. Good thing the lunch lady is serving really bad food instead of terrible food.

“Here is your vomit-colored trash soup,” thunders the lunch lady as she dumps the slop on my tray.

Now it is time to go into my secret stash. As I take my candy bar out of my pocket, the lunch lady barks, “No more food for you for ten months.”

Well, now you know why this school is the worst school ever. We tried to stop the principal from making the school worse, but the principal found out before we ever started it.

BRRRING! Oh, that was the bell that just rang. Oh great, it is time for recess. It is the second worst period today.

As soon as I walk outside and step on the doormat, I hear the recess counselor yell, “You just broke rule number 3,749,446. This means one month detention! Oh, now you broke another rule! Another month of detention!”

***

Finally, after the agonizing day, I start to head home. You are probably wondering why I don’t tell my parents. Well, apparently, my parents signed a contract that I have to stay in this school until I finish 12th grade and that the school is the “best school in the world.” And my parents don’t know because whenever they come, the teachers act like this is the “best school in the world.”

The next day, as I am walking to school, I see a kid walk next to me. I ask, “What school do you go to?”

The kid replies, “Dinkleburg school.”

I tell the kid, “That school is horrible. The nicest teacher gave a kid ten hours of detention.”

The kid replied, “Oh, I forgot to tell you. My name is Donald. Also, I know how to get the teachers afraid of the students, but it will take a week.”

***

Finally, our plan is ready.  

“Hey scums, get to worhey who pulled my pants down? You’re going to pay for this,” says Mr. Petey as he walks to me. But Mr. Petey is so surprised that he does not see a string, so he trips over the wire and his face plants into a pie.

“I am going to the bathroom,” announces Mr. Petey.

A video of what is in the boys’ bathroom appears on the board. “Hey, I got ketchup on my underwear!” yells Mr. Petey.

Then, when Mr. Petey walks back into the room, nobody is there. Mr. Petey reports it to the principal. When the principal comes in the room, everyone is back in the room.

“You’re fired, bub,” yells the principal.

“Bu-bu-but they were not here a minute ago,” says Mr. Petey.

The whole class laughs out loud. Everyone knows in less than ten seconds. Soon, it is time for second period. It is Mr. Peter Peterburg’s class. Everyone usually calls him Mr. PP.

Mr. PP yells at the very top of his lungs, “Everyone, you are going to run 100 miles in ten seconds. If you don’t, you will have detention for ten hours every day for ten years. Okay, so what are you waiting foAhhh, oh my god! Not again! Now, everybody knows I pee my pants. Oh no! Class is cancelled, and everyone, don’t tell anybody I have a pacifieroh, come on.”

It goes on like that for the rest of the day. Soon, the principal fires everyone, including himself.

 

NARRATOR: Well, as you can see, that school was not amazing experience for James. Then the school shut down, and everyone lived happily ever after.              

The end

Well, everybody except the the teachers of the school lived happily ever after…

 

Epilogue

We are sorry to tell you that there is no epilogue because the writer quit and sang the “Frozen” song for the rest of his life.  

 

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