“If you didn’t know, humans and food have never gotten along. For years, food has struggled to get away from the humans, but never accomplished their goal. But this time, things may be different.”
CARLOS, a ten-year-old boy, and JAKE, a teenage banana, are in the kitchen. CARLOS is standing next to the counter that JAKE is sitting on. JAKE doesn’t realize CARLOS knows he’s alive and can hear him talk. Enter NARRATOR.
If you didn’t know, humans and food have never gotten along. For years, food has struggled to get away from the humans, but never accomplished their goal. But this time, things may be different.
CARLOS (to the audience)
Every day, I see them struggle, but they don’t know I know they’re alive.
JAKE turns and whispers to a pie sitting beside him.
Once again, one of us has been killed by another nasty human. We should leave this “nice” kitchen counter.
CARLOS is watching them talk.
CARLOS (talking to the audience in an inspirational voice)
Hi. I’m a ten-year-old boy, and you like food, right? Well, stop eating it. You’re just hurting families and killing them!
Enter JAKE’S MOM, a grown up banana. Her peel is half-opened, and there’s a bite taken out of her.
Good morning, sweetie, how are you — OOOH NOO… HELP MEEE!
JAKE (yells out)
Don’t worry, sweetie. It was just one little nibble… I’ll remember you… take… care… of… the family…
She slowly closes her eyes and begins to feel weak.
JAKE’S MOM (to JAKE)
She collapses and dies. JAKE begins to cry.
JAKE (to CARLOS in a brave and powerful voice)
You people WILL pay.
CARLOS (to himself)
I know I should have done something.
CARLOS’ MOM enters the kitchen.
CARLOS’ MOM (to CARLOS)
Aren’t you hungry?
She looks at another banana beside JAKE, BRITTANY the banana. She decides to take a bite of her. JAKE jumps in front of BRITTANY to sacrifice himself.
Mom, don’t eat that! You’ll make him ANGRY!!
(in his head)
Wait… this could be my chance to prove that I have been right all these years!
(to CARLOS’ MOM)
See, Mom? I knew they were alive! I knew they had feelings!
BRITTANY pecks JAKE on the cheek.
BRITTANY (to JAKE)
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
THE FOOD GANG enters the stage like brave gangsters: JAKE the banana, the plums, the apples, the tomatoes, the pickles, and the lettuce bomb.
THE FOOD GANG (yelling at CARLOS’ MOM)
WE TOLD YOU ALL TO NEVER BOTHER US AGAIN, BUT YOU JUST DON’T LISTEN!!
CARLOS’ MOM sees the angry FOOD GANG and tries to act casual.
Don’t worry, mi hijo. They can’t hurt us. By the way, how will we survive without food?
Um, uh… oh, I know! WATER! DRINK AS MUCH OF IT AS YOU CAN, OKAY?
Are you crazy?
CARLOS (irritated voice)
Yes, but you are too, Mother…
Now, as you can see, Carlos and his mom have a little problem. Obviously. Carlos is insisting on only drinking water, since it is not alive. Obviously. But his mother is right that Carlos obviously needs to eat.
And by the way, you don’t want to become a criminal, do you?
Well, no, but…
NO BUT’S! Now, let’s start a campaign saying, “FOOD HAS FEELINGS JUST LIKE US, SO DON’T HURT THEM!!!”
Okay, okay. I DID NOT sign up for making a campaign!
I’ll buy you The Woman’s Times Magazine, 5TH EDITION!!!
OKAY, YOU’VE CONVINCED ME. I’M YOUR MOTHER, SO NOW GIVE IT TO ME!
JAKE and THE FOOD GANG are in the kitchen, digging a hole through the wall to escape the house.
Okay, almost ready! Ready to escape! Continue digging up that hole!!!
CARLOS enters and sees that the foods are trying to escape. JAKE sees CARLOS and makes an angry face.
JAKE (to THE FOOD GANG)
Get ready to attack!
THE FOOD GANG runs up to CARLOS, and they get out their weapons: a grape canon, celery swords, and lettuce bombs. At first, CARLOS doesn’t realize they’re planning on attacking him and just watches them curiously. Then, he finally gets the hint.
Oh, please don’t attack me! I’m on your side.
The vegetables don’t listen. One of the bombs hits his head, and he falls to the ground. CARLOS’ MOM walks in.
(to THE FOOD GANG)
Why would you do that? Don’t you know that we’re on your side?
Why should we believe you?
CARLOS’ MOM turns the TV on the counter on. On the news is CARLOS’ new campaign to save food.
This campaign was Carlos’s idea. Carlos convinced me to also help you. He’s always been on your side.
THE FOOD GANG slowly drops their weapons and then starts running toward her and CARLOS. They begin to comfort CARLOS. CARLOS lifts his head weakly.
It was just a mistake.
JAKE (to CARLOS)
Sorry we misunderstood you.
BRITTANY puts her arm around JAKE.
You’re such a kind banana-man.
JAKE and BRITTANY are alone on the kitchen counter, talking. Other foods are peeking out of the cabinets and baskets, spying on them.
I want you to hear me out.
Ever since I met you, I’ve felt like we belong together. I feel like we come from the same peel.
THE FOOD GANG spying on them begins to quietly “Ooooohhhh” and “Aaaaah” from their hiding spots. BRITTANY starts blushing.
So I would like to ask you… would you marry me?
Yes. You’re the most handsome banana on the kitchen counter.
THE FOOD GANG jumps out of their hiding spots.
FOOD GANG: Congratulations!
CARLOS pops up from behind the counter.
I was watching, too! Congratulations!
JAKE and BRITTANY
Were you guys spying on us?
Everyone awkwardly laughs.
THE FOOD GANG
LEMON puts a wedding veil on BRITTANY’S head. JAKE’S LITTLE BANANA BROTHER hands him a Banana Tux. Wedding music begins.
Hooray! My first food wedding accomplished!
Dream music comes on. All of the food falls lifeless on the counter.
Wait. What? It was a dream all along? But I really wanted to be their friend.
He hears tiny footsteps. It sounds like they’re coming from his refrigerator. He opens the refrigerator and gasps in surprise.
It smells like rotten eggs!
Two eggs pop out.
I promise it wasn’t me!
I knew you were real! I love you guys!
BRITTANY and JAKE stand beside him.
Our friendship will never change.