Bill the Foodie

Micah B., age 8
Bill the Foodie Micah B. enjoys writing humor. He lives in New York.

“Bill was a foodie. He loved food of all kinds, and if you ask him if he had gone to this restaurant or that restaurant, he would always say yes. There were no restaurants in the vicinity of his house that he had not been to at least 17 times.”

Bill was a foodie. He loved food of all kinds, and if you were to ask him if he had gone to this restaurant or that restaurant, he would always say yes. There were no restaurants in the vicinity of his house that he had not been to at least 17 times. But there was one restaurant he hadn’t been to that was across the world, but so far, he could not get there. It served special food, such as fish that only was in the waters in Australia, where the restaurant was.

He had heard about the restaurant from a friend of his in Australia who loved the food in the restaurant. He was in Chicago, and the weather had been bad, so he couldn’t get a plane. No boats would take him either, because they were worried about a storm. It had been raining and thundering for the past couple days, and there were no modes of distant transportation. Although Bill loved food, he also had a degree in building planes. One morning a few days later, an idea came to him. He would build a plane that could fly in any type of weather. But he knew that in the town where he lived, there were criminals who would steal his idea. He wanted to make sure that he would be the first one to file the patent.

He had a high stone wall built around the house, so high that it was unclimbable. He also had a tunnel built within the wall to get out and go to the supermarket or to one of his favorite restaurants. He went to a supply shop and got all the materials needed to build the plane. Then, he put them in his house via the opening in the tunnel in another place in his spacious yard. He started building the next day but accidentally put a piece in a place that it was not supposed to go, and it was bolted in, so to take it out and still have the plane be intact would be nearly impossible.

He was in a rage. Why hadn’t he checked that he was building the plane correctly? He felt like he was under so much pressure, but he realized that it was just a restaurant, and a plane that may or may not work.  Luckily, he had a close friend, who also built planes, and his friend gave him parts under the condition that he would let his friend fly in the plane as much as wanted. Gary, his friend, though, did not like food at all, and the nutrition he got was from a drink that he drank every day. Bill disagreed with him about just drinking things, but he told himself that he didn’t need to care. He knew that it wasn’t him, but other people do other things. Bill got a manual to build a plane, and he based his plane off of it. Unfortunately, the workman who worked for him also cleaned his house, and, by mistake, he threw away the manual. Luckily, right after, Bill saved it from the wastepaper basket, told the workman what had happened and forgave him, and then he kept going with his plane. 

Months passed, and he had his plane finished. Coincidentally, there was also bad weather, so he could still use his plane, and he flew happily to the restaurant. Also, he patented his plane.

The restaurant was everything he dreamed of. He loved the food so much that he decided to move to Australia permanently. He married and had children and everyone loved his plane, and soon it was used commercially. Time after time he went to the restaurant. He declared that it was the best restaurant he had ever experienced in his life. He lived a couple blocks away from the restaurant, so he could go there anytime he wanted. Bill realized that he didn’t need to go to every restaurant. He could start his own restaurant. And that is exactly what he did. 

Bill was happy with his restaurant, and he served interesting things, like smoked bats, steamed horse, and strange muffins full of grape and shallot and tomato. He had lots of customers because word passed quickly that he had very strange things in his restaurant. Every day, 50 people would come and take their favorite salads (with oranges, onions, and cranberries) and favorite soups (with grapefruits, tomatoes, and garlic). But he was bored with his menu. Every month or so, he would change it up. There would be tea with carrot juice, water infused with tomatoes, every strange item you can think of. Soon, people started moving closer to his restaurant, so that they could go there constantly. He had so many customers, he had to build a bigger restaurant to fit all of them! Finally, he decided to sell the restaurant. He sold it to his most loyal customers. The restaurant was operating even better without him. But he was still helping out if any of his new employees had any questions. Bill wanted to go back to Chicago though, so his entire family (he was getting quite old) packed their bags and left Australia. He wrote a book about his life, and a cookbook with the dishes he had made over the years. But word had come from Australia that the new employees had quit and sold the restaurant. He was devastated. What if they made his restaurant have normal food? He quickly flew to Australia, and had his by then 40-year-old children take over the restaurant. He flew back to Chicago, and after his children confirmed that everything was in perfect order, he relaxed. He made some of his dishes from the restaurant in his house, and they tasted even better. Word came out that his restaurant had become the number one restaurant in Australia. He was so very happy. People from all over the world had been coming to Australia just to see his restaurant. He flew over to Australia and saw that everyone was enjoying the food. He loved the food too, and finally he settled down and enjoyed the restaurant.

But, from the children’s view, life wasn’t all beer and skittles. They found that it was hard for them to run the restaurant as well as their father had. The children didn’t have the same obsession with food. They changed the dishes to what they wanted to make, and it felt easier. But they wanted to have a different career. They told this to their father, and he approved. They sold the restaurant, and moved on. One of the children became an accountant; another, a real estate agent; and another, a government official. They were all happy, and all fondly reminisced about the restaurant. But they still wanted to visit, so they saw how it was, and they helped with the food, and they gave the chefs ideas, as they weren’t totally separated from the restaurant. They still enjoyed it, they weren’t against it, they just had different interests than their father. Just like Bill and Gary. They had different opinions, but they still liked each other. Then, all the children remembered that they knew how to build planes, and got into the plane-building business. They enjoyed it, but realized that they actually wanted to be in the restaurant business again. So they bought it back and started again and found that they liked it more then they ever had. But they were getting old, so they soon retired, and left the family business to their children. And everyone remembered how the whole journey had started with one restaurant in Australia. Bill’s grandchildren liked it more than his children, and happily, they ran the restaurant the best that it had ever been before. 

But dishes were getting out of date, so the grandchildren changed it up a little bit. There was stewed tiger, fried guinea pig, and lettuce and orange peel salad. People enjoyed it, and one day, the grandchildren got an offer that they could not resist. A man was offering to buy the restaurant for 50 million dollars because it was such a good restaurant. He wanted the restaurant because he was a good advertiser, and he would get even more customers. It turned out that the offer was worth it. The man handled the restaurant quite well. Customers now from all over the world came to Australia from Hawaii just to go to Bill’s restaurant. It was in newspapers all over the world, and every single list of best restaurants always listed Bill’s restaurant as #1. By now, everyone in the world had at least heard of it, and three quarters of those people had gone to the restaurant. The man wanted to make the restaurant cheaper so that everybody could come. It was a good idea. Now, everyone had seen his restaurant, and lots of celebrities were coming to see how they got so much business. Most other restaurants had permanently closed because they could not keep up with Bill’s restaurant. The man changed the menu every day so that there would be lots of customers. They had to move into a bigger location so that there would be enough room for all of the customers! Business was doing well, and the man decided to open locations for this restaurant all over the world. It was doing so successfully that the business was worth two trillion dollars. All of the locations got more customers, and every single person in the world had heard of Bill’s restaurant. Bill’s restaurant even had a museum all about it. The business was doing so well that they had so many great chefs because all of the best chefs would take 5 million dollars to do the cooking. Finally, the restaurant was such a success that they had to move into the biggest building in Australia. They had enough money to create a whole chain of buildings named after them. Finally, the grandchildren took it back, and with the man’s advice, continued the restaurant for years to come.

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