Once upon a time, there was an old lady. Her name was Bill. She had a lot of wrinkles, a very tall and skinny nose with a bump on the end, and a mole right next to her mouth. She was very fat, as fat as the biggest room in your house. Bill was very strict and mean and went poop a lot. This was because she had bathroom issues. She had to get food sent to her room by her servants, Timpson & Timpson.
Timpson & Timpson delivered her food every day. They also had a tiny little room, because they were mice. They had to work together to push the cart of food because they were so tiny. Bill’s bedroom was also her bathroom. It was bigger than the biggest room in the whole world, except for the room of Earth. You could see Bill’s bed-bathroom from outer space, it was that big. It had a ton of lights and there was a button so Bill could lay down and go to the bathroom at the same time.
Bill would only talk to Timpson & Timpson when she wanted something.
“Get me my food!” yelled Bill.
Timpson & Timpson were scared of Bill.
“Okay, miss,” they said.
“Don’t you call me miss! Call me Bill!”
“Okay, miss,” Timpson & Timpson’s bodies were shaking.
“Bring me food right now, or I will not feed you for ten weeks! And never call me miss again! If you do, I’ll call the mayor and ask for servants that are people!” Bill was so loud that they heard her from outer space.
“Yes, miss.”
Bill picked up the phone and called Mayor Nosey.
“Hello, Mayor. This is Bill. Timpson & Timpson must leave.”
“Timpson & Timpson must stay,” said Mayor Nosey. “Why do you want them to go?”
“I want them to leave! I want a human servant, okay, Mayor Nosey? They call me miss too much! I do not want to be called miss,” screamed Bill.
“Okay, miss. I’ll get you another mouse servant, but you can’t kick Timpson & Timpson out,” said Mayor Nosey. Mayor Nosey knew that no other mouse would sign up for the job, so he had a plan.
“I want to be called Bill! You’re so terrible, you should be my servant!”
“I will not be your servant,” said Mayor Nosey. “I’m the mayor, and I’m famous.” But Mayor Nosey was not as famous as Bill. She didn’t know, but people took pictures of her through her window because of how large she was.
“You better get me new servants, or I’ll come out of my house!” yelled Bill. So many people were taking pictures of her. Keechew!
Mayor Nosey wasn’t the best mayor, even though he had stopped Bill from destroying the city once. Mayor Nosey just didn’t know how to be a good mayor. He walked into meetings with his arms swinging while he yelled, “Howdy doody, partners!” No one at the meetings liked that.
One time, while a news crew was filming a show about a man named Dude Cool who ate a lot of burgers, Mayor Nosey walked up to the camera and asked, “Can I be on TV?”
Dude Cool looked at him and said, “Whatcha doin, bro? Hey, check out my girlfriend.” He pointed to Sexy Lady, a hamburger.
Mayor Nosey was confused but still wanted to be on TV. He looked into the camera and said, “Put me on TV!”
Then, Bill shouted, “Get off TV and speak to me!”
Mayor Nosey did not hear her. Mayor Nosey did not like talking to Bill. Neither did anyone else on Earth. Bill hung up the phone on Mayor Nosey. Mayor Nosey was so frustrated, he tried calling Bill back to tell her now she wouldn’t get any servants. Bill hung up on him right away.
Mayor Nosey called Timpson & Timpson on their old-fashioned phone.
Timpson & Timpson said, “What? Who is it?”
Mayor Nosey said, “Timpson & Timpson, please come to my office.”
Timpson & Timpson had two robots that looked just like them. They had built them long ago in case they ever needed a replacement. They had only used their robots once before in hide and seek with their parents. Timpson & Timpson left their robots hiding behind the table, and they went to hide in a better spot.
This time, Timpson & Timpson put their robots in the bed-bathroom and went out their tiny door. Timpson & Timpson had built a very tiny car while Bill was sleeping one night. She had no idea. They had kept their car in a secret garage.
It was ten miles to Mayor Nosey’s house. Timpson drove & Timpson rode. They listened to “My Heart Will Go On” from the Titanic movie the whole way.
Mayor Nosey’s house looked like a statue of Mayor Nosey. It had his beautiful clothes but his ugly face. Mayor Nosey was ugly because he had a lot of bruises and boo-boos because he didn’t sleep well.
Timpson & Timpson had to sign in to the house before Mayor Nosey let them in. Bill didn’t know this, but Timpson & Timpson and Mayor Nosey were best friends. They only saw each other at night. Timpson & Timpson walked to the office.
“Okay, Timpson & Timpson,” said Mayor Nosey, “I have a mission for you. I want you to dress up in other clothes so Bill doesn’t know who you are. You must go and dress up at Bill’s house.” But Timpson and Timpson knew Bill would be able to recognize them.
“You — Timpson. Please dress up like an elephant in a work suit. You’ll look good. Timpson — you should be a monkey. Dress like one in these pajamas.” He held up blue and white striped pajamas.
“Okay, but I don’t want to be a monkey with striped pajamas. I’ll look weird,” said Timpson.
“You have to,” said Mayor Nosey, “because I’m the mayor. If you don’t, I’m going to send you to jail.”
“Okay… I’ll wear it,” said Timpson.
Timpson laughed at Timpson because he had to wear something he didn’t want to wear.
“Timpson! Stop laughing at me because I’m gonna tell Bill.”
Timpson said, “Well, Bill won’t know you’re Timpson, because you’re a monkey in striped pajamas.”
“Well, when I’m Timpson again. I’m going to tell Bill.”
The Mayor Nosy said, “Stop arguing!”
Timpson said, “I don’t want to do this. I’m nervous.”
Mayor Nosy, “I’m sorry for what Timpson did. Well, I can’t know who is Timpson and who is Timpson.”
“I’m Timpson,” said Timpson.
“And I’m Timpson,” said Timpson.
“We should change your names,” said the Mayor Nosy, and he pointed at one of them.
“Okay, my name is what?”
“Your new name is Magalio!”
“I do not like my new name. I want my new name to be Jack like the guy from the Titanic who froze in the water.”
“What’s my name?” said the other Timpson.
“Your name is Dadolo.”
“I don’t like that name! Why can’t my name be Magalio and Timpson’s name be Dadolo?”
“Okay, my name will be Dadolo,” said Timpson, “And Timpson’s name will be Magalio.”
So, they drove to Bill’s house. When they arrived at her house, they knocked on the front door.
“Who is it?” Bill grumbled. She was very, very grumpy.
“It is I,” said Dadolo and Magolio.
“Come in,” she groaned.
So they both came inside.
“What are you here for?” Bill grumbled.
“We are here for a discussion about your behavior.”
“Blahhhh,” said Bill.
“Should we begin?” asked Timpson & Timpson in disguise.
“Where’s Timpson & Timpson? They must have gone somewhere.”
“We don’t know who’s Timpson and Timpson.”
“Hey, you two look a lot like Timpson and Timpson!”
Then, Timpson & Timpson said, “Who’s Timpson & Timpson?” But then they made a big mistake. They used their normal voice.
“You’re Timpson & Timpson!” Bill roared. She started to get out of the bathroom and walked outside.
“Uh oh,” said Timpson & Timpson. “We did make a big mistake. Now Bill will destroy the world because when Bill gets mad, she sets off to destroy everything.”
Bill started to destroy the world — from Canada to Africa, to Norway, to France, to London, to Egypt, to China, to Japan, and finally she came to the place where we stay now. She came to New York City, and she destroyed all the people. Timpson and Timpson, because of what they had done, decided to save all the people. They took all the weapons and put on some gear, then they went off to save the world.
As Timpson & Timpson walked towards Bill, they started to chop up stuff. But it took an hour to chop up everything because they were super tiny, and their swords were super tiny. Soon, Bill couldn’t walk, talk, or even move her arms. Bill was furious! So, she started rolling towards Timpson & Timpson. But Timpson & Timpson were really high jumpers. So, they both jumped up as high as they could and landed on Bill’s tummy. And then Timpson cut one side of Bill’s tummy, and then Timpson cut the other side of Bill’s tummy. And then, they took Bill’s tummy and threw it away. Then, they took out Bill’s food. Then, they took out Bill’s heart. Then, they took out Bill’s brain and lungs. Then they threw it all out. Then, Bill died, and Timpson & Timpson saved the world!
“You’re our heroes!” everyone cried to Timpson & Timpson. But it wasn’t over yet. Bill had a sister who was growing and growing, and now she was as big as Bill. Her name was actually also Bill. So, Timpson & Timpson did the same thing. They ran up to Bill. They cut off her legs. They cut off her arms. Then, Bill couldn’t walk or move her arms. Then, Bill did the same thing. She rolled towards Timpson & Timpson. So, Timpson & Timpson jumped up towards Bill’s tummy and jumped on it. Timpson cut the side. Timpson cut the other side. Then, they threw Bill’s tummy away. Then, they took her food out and threw it away. And then, they took her heart, and her brain, and were still heros saving the world from Bills.
THE END