Advice of the Century

by Sama Daga, age 11
Advice of the Century Sama lives in New York City. She is a debater and public speaker. She wants to be a lawyer when she grows up. However, she always likes to be funny.

“Don’t hug a bear
If you hug a bear, you will get attached to him
If you get attached to him, you will think about him a lot
If you think about him a lot, you will go back in the forest”

Sama Daga, student, best advice giver ever, and comedian is in her room, filming on you tube. She is giving million dollar advice for free. As you can see, she is really nice. She also answers questions from callers and comments. 

SAMA: Hello world! I give you the best advice you can ever get! It’s so good, it changes your life forever.  Let’s start with the stupidest game on earth.

Don’t play Fortnite

If you play Fortnite, you will get addicted

If you get addicted, you will play it all night and not sleep

If you don’t sleep, you will not pay attention in class

If you don’t pay attention in class, you will do badly in the surprize pop quiz

If you do badly on the surprize pop quiz, your parents will be mad

If your parents get mad, they will send you away

If you get sent away, you will go to a land called Mathominium

If you go to Mathominium, you will have math cramped in your brain

If you get math cramped in your brain, you will turn into a monster

If you turn into a monster, you will kill the world and you will die too because you have nowhere to live

Don’t play Fortnite!

I give great advice, right? Well, guess what? The next piece of advice is even better. This has to do with one of the scariest animals on earth.

Don’t hug a bear

If you hug a bear, you will get attached to him

If you get attached to him, you will think about him a lot

If you think about him a lot, you will go back in the forest

If you go back in the forest, you will get a rare spider bite

If you get a rare spider bite, you won’t be able to walk anymore

If you can’t walk anymore, you will be stuck in the forest

If you get stuck in the forest, a week later, the bear would text you

If the bear texts you, he will say he doesn’t like you.

If he says he doesn’t like you, you will cry and become depressed

If you cry and become depressed, you will die alone because no one found you in the forest

Don’t hug a bear!

So, seriously, don’t hug a bear. Million dollar advice here people! Pay attention! Now, I’m going to look in the comments to find a good question to answer. Oh, great question! Matts question is,”Should I flush my book down the toilet if i don’t wanna read it” My answer: for your own safety, please don’t

Don’t flush a book down a toilet

If you flush a book down a toilet, you will clog it

If you clog it, it won’t work

If it doesn’t work, you will have to drive all the way to the gas station

If you drive all the way to the gas station, the toilet there won’t work either

If the toilet doesn’t work at the gas station, you will go home sad

If you go home sad, your whole house will be flooding

If your whole house is flooding, you will run in to save your dog

If you run in to save your dog, you will find him swimming in the living room

If you find your dog swimming in the living room, you will run out with your dog

If you run out, you will find that your whole neighborhood is flooded

If you flood your whole neighborhood, your old neighbor will chase you with a 90’s newspaper

If you get chased, you will slip and break every bone in your body

Don’t flush your book down the toilet!

Matt, you really need life support. Get help soon. Now we have a request from… my brother. My brother asked,” Should I hit my sister if she is hogging the computer with her stupid you tube show?” First of all… this YouTube show is not stupid! I give good advice to the unfortunate: anyone but me! It has a billion fans! Make that a billion and one. Second of all…

Don’t hit your sister ever

If you hit your sister, she will slap you

If she slaps you, you will cry and tell mom

If you tell mom, she will yell at your sister and send her to her room and let you go to the park with your friends

If your sister goes to her room, she will sneak out the window.

If she sneaks out of her room, she will find you in the park

If she finds you in the park, she will give you a wedgie in front of all your friends

If she gives you wedgie in front of all your friends, all your friends will run from fear

If all your friends run from fear, you will have no friends

If you have no friends, you will be sad and depressed

If you are sad and depressed, you will try to invent a happiness machine

If you try to invent a happiness machine, everyone will abandon you because they think you’re weird

If everyone abandons you, you will die alone 

Don’t hit your sister ever!!!!

My brothers have always needed help. My mom won’t let me put him up for adoption. Seriously, I don’t see the problem with the idea. Mom only has to deal with one child. I’m making her life easier! Whatever, guess mom can’t see good ideas when they are right in front of her! Moms… Again, whatever. Now, we have a call in from Charlie.

(Charlie waves excitedly. Sama just waves with smile.)

CHARLIE: OMG, I can’t believe I’m on my fav show! Like, wow! 

SAMA: Yeah I know I’m generous.

CHARLIE: Totally! I wanted to ask you something… 

SAMA: Since I’m so generous, go ahead and ask your question!

CHARLIE; I cheated on my chem test. It’s just so hard! Should I tell my teacher I cheated?

SAMA: Charlie, that is a great question! Here’s my advice… 

Don’t tell your teacher you cheated on a chemistry test.

If you tell your teacher, she will pull the disappointed card.

If she pulls the disappointed card, she will tell you to take an even harder one.

If you have to take a harder test, the stress will get to your head.

If the stress gets to your head, you will forget all the chemistry you ever learnt.

If you forget all the chemistry you ever learnt, you will do badly on the test.

If you do badly, the teacher will make you go to chemistry summer school.

If you go to chemistry summer school, you will bore your eyes out.

If you bore your eyes out, you will become blind.

If you become blind, you will accidentally fall in a manhole.

If you fall in a manhole, your best friend will be an alligator. 

If your best friend is an alligator, he will eat you at one point because he’s hungry.

Don’t tell your teacher you cheated on a chemistry test!

Hope this helped guys! I’m so amazing for giving you advice right?! Well, this is the last piece of advice for today. It’s pretty short but very meaningful. 

Hit the like and subscribe button and all the other stuff that youtubers want you to do at the bottom of this video

If you hit the buttons, I will think that you are somewhat decent

If I think that you are somewhat decent, you’re cool

If your cool, your life is complete

Hit the like and subscribe button at the bottom of the video!

Sama waves goodbye with smile.

BLACKOUT.

The End

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